


Angel's Slave

by damiensirius



Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU, Finally, Finished, M/M, Rape, Science Fiction, THREE NEW CHAPTERS, forgive me pls, give it a chance, i'm not good with tags, just read it you will know then, slave - Freeform, slow built
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-10
Updated: 2015-09-07
Packaged: 2018-02-04 03:37:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 19
Words: 21,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1764287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/damiensirius/pseuds/damiensirius
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU in which angels live on earth. Some of them hold humans as 'servants', but most treat them cruel and evil as if they were slaves.<br/>Dean Winchester offers himself as a servant for a family of angels to earn money, so he can take care of Sam.<br/>It's a hard time for Dean, until he gets in closer contact with one of the angels there. Castiel.<br/>---<br/>sorry, I'm not good with summaries, I know.<br/>//edit: Added <b>three</b> new and final chapters 07.09.15</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for giving my story a chance (:  
> I'll try to update as regularily as possible, I promise.
> 
> English isn't my first language, so please tell me if you find any mistakes, so I can correct them.

“Dean please,” Sam begged. “You can’t do this!” His eyes were filled with tears.  
“It’s okay, Sammy,” Dean said.  
“No, it’s not!”  
“Look Sammy. You’re only sixteen. I can’t let you do this.”  
“I don’t wanna lose you!” Sam sobbed.  
Dean pulled his little brother in a tight embrace. “You won’t lose me, Sammy. I will come back.”  
Sam didn’t answer him, but buried his face in Dean’s neck.  
“I’ll come and visit you. I promise.” Dean held Sam tighter and stroke his back. He would miss his brother so much. What should he do without him? His whole life had been nothing else but watching for his pain in the ass little brother. But he wouldn't want to trade it for anything in the world.  
“But what if they’re not good?” Sam whispered with a rough voice and then looked at Dean.  
Dean blinked his own tears away. “They’re gonna be good. It’s gonna be okay.”  
“But you can’t know it for sure,” Sam said and frowned. Dean didn’t answer, because Sam was right. The most angels were cruel and evil and some of them even tortured their servants and forced them to become slaves. But Dean didn’t care. Better he, than Sam.  
He looked at the clock on the wall and sighed. “I… have to go now, Sammy. They’re gonna be here soon.”  
Sam’s body tensed and he hugged Dean another time. “Take care of yourself, Dean,” he said.  
“You too, Sammy. If you have any problems, you know where to find Bobby. I’m gonna try and stay in contact with you. I promise.” He stepped back and laid his hands on Sam’s shoulders. “We can do this, Sam. And remember: no contracts.”  
Sam shook his head. “Never,” he said.  
Dean nodded. “Goodbye Sammy,” he said then and turned around.  
“Goodbye… Dean.”  
Dean left the house and waited outside for the angels to appear. When his and Sam’s father died last year, Bobby had taken care of them for a while, but Dean couldn’t expect this from him any longer. He was nineteen now and old enough to do this for him and Sam. So he had started to search for some angels who needed a servant. After a while, a family of angels had discovered him. At first, they wanted Sam, but Dean would never allow this. His brother wouldn’t end up as a servant. And certainly not by an angel family as big as this one. After all, everyone knew that angels were sick perverts.  
A few minutes later, a gust of wind swept through the driveway and suddenly an angel stood right in front of him.  
“Dean Winchester?” he asked. He was like two inches taller than Dean and almost completely bald.  
Dean nodded once. The angel held his arm out. In his hand he held a black collar. Dean had known that he’d have to wear a collar. He was glad it was such a nondescript one.  
“If you put on this collar, you submit yourself to us for the discussed twelve months.”  
Dean held back a sarcastic comment. _Submit_. Not obligate, but _submit._ But he had no other choice. So he took the collar out of the angel’s hand and laid it around his neck. As soon as he closed it, the collar changed. It became tighter and clung perfectly around Dean’s neck. He moved his head a little, to see if it was uncomfortable, but he almost didn’t feel it at all.  
The angel looked on a slightly creepy way pleased and reached with his hand for Dean’s shoulder. Only a brief second later, he stood in the entrance of a huge mansion.  
Again, Dean felt wind and suddenly six more angels stood in the room. The one who had picked him up, stepped forward.  
“My name is Zachariah,” he said. “And this is my family.”  
He introduced the other angels as Naomi, Hael, Anna, Gabriel, Castiel and Lucifer.  
“Lucifer?!” Dean asked without thinking. “As in old-times-devil-Lucifer?”  
Lucifer grinned and stepped forward. “The one and only.” He looked at Dean. “You’re not as good-looking as your brother,” he said mockingly and winked.  
Dean frowned. Thank god Sam wasn’t here with those perverts.  
Zachariah stepped closer to Dean and shove Lucifer away. “I forgive you, because it’s your first day, but from now on, you only speak when you’re allowed to.”  
Dean raised his eyebrows and pursed his lips morosely, but kept quiet.

Zachariah showed Dean the whole house and explained to him, what he would have to do here.  
“I will give you some time to unpack your stuff and arrange your room. Your first task will be to cook dinner. It has to be ready at six.” With those words, Zachariah disappeared and Dean was alone.  
He sunk down on the bed and clenched his shaking hands in his knees, trying to calm down a little.  
When his breath calmed down, he stood up and opened his suitcase, to put all his clothes in the wardrobe.  
The room was big and luxurious and Dean didn’t have nearly enough things to fill all the cabinets. It was only four when he finished unpacking and stuff, so he decided to lay down and rest a little for half an hour before he’d go to the kitchen to cook. But as soon as he laid down on the comfortable bed, he fell asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean gets his first punishment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for kudos and comments!! 
> 
>  
> 
> Feel free to tell me if you find mistakes, so I can correct them!

When Dean startled up from a light sleep, he looked panicking on the clock on the wall. A quarter past five. He would _really_ have to hurry.  
He practically ran to the kitchen – thank the lord no one saw him – and at first, he just opened all the cupboards and drawers to get a little orientation.  
Luckily he had cooked almost his whole life for Sam, so he could easily think of something simple, but delicious to cook now.  
The angels had huge stocks, so it was no problem getting all the ingredients. But he had some problems when it came to cooking, because he didn’t know how the stove worked.  
At six o’clock, Dean heard a fluttering sound and suddenly Zachariah stood right behind him.  
“It’s six o’clock. Where is the dinner?” the angel asked. Dean winced and the knife he held in his hand fell down.  
“I… I’m sorry. I fell asleep and I…” He stopped for a moment and then said instead: “The dinner will be ready in five minutes. It won’t happen again. I promise.” Dean ducked his head, preparing himself for getting hit, because in the contract he had signed, he had agreed to corporal punishment. Not that he had had another choice, but so he couldn’t even say he hadn’t agreed with this.  
But Zachariah didn’t hit him. “Five minutes,” he just said and then disappeared.  
For a moment, Dean was like frozen, but then he hastily set the table and finished cooking.  
Exactly five minutes later, the whole family appeared in the dining room.  
Dean had just placed the last bowl of food on the table and stepped insecure back and looked at Zachariah. The bald angel nodded and then said: “Go to your room. We will eat now.”  
Dean nodded once and then left the dining room and went upstairs. When he closed the door behind him, he sighed relieved and sunk down on his bed. He propped his elbows on his knees and buried his face in his hands. Even if he had hardly done something today, he was exhausted. It was just this suspense and fear from starting this new life here, which sucked all energy out of him.  
Almost exactly one hour later, suddenly one of the angels appeared in his room. Dean wasn’t sure, but he thought it was Balthazar.  
“Stand up,” the angel said. “Zachariah said I’m allowed to punish you.”  
Dean involuntarily winced back when he saw the sick sign of excitement in the angel’s eyes.  
“Take off your shirt,” the angel said. Dean hesitated, but he didn’t want to risk a harder punishment, so he grabbed the hem of his shirt and pulled it over his head.  
The angel opened his mouth to say something but in exactly this moment another one appeared. Dean had forgotten his name, but it was the one with the black, messy hair and the blue eyes.  
“Balthazar,” he said with a deep, calm voice, which instantly caused goosebumps on Dean’s arms. “Don’t carry it too far.”  
“Fuck off, douchebag,” Balthazar said and shove the younger angel away. “Zachariah said how I should punish him.”  
“I know. But still. You shouldn’t-”  
“Fuck. Off,” Balthazar interrupted him growling.  
The blue eyed angel sighed and looked apologizing at Dean, before he disappeared.  
“Go to the wall,” Balthazar said to Dean. Dean did what he was told to and when he stood there, Balthazar took his hands and placed them over his head on the wall. Dean’s palms were sweaty and he tried vainly not to shiver on his whole body. What would Balthazar do to him?  
“You were five minutes late with the dinner,” Balthazar said and suddenly he stood dangerously close to Dean. “And you will get one hit for every minute.”  
Before Dean could really understand what Balthazar had said, a whiplash came down hard on his back. Dean screamed loud and tears shot into his eyes.  
“One,” Balthazar said calmly. The whip landed on Dean’s back again.  
“You… asshole,” Dean panted after he screamed again. Sweat dropped down his face and his whole body trembled.  
“Nuh-uh-uh,” Balthazar said and stepped closer. – So close, his hips pressed against Dean’s ass. “Insults will only get you more punishments. And then _I_ will choose what you get. Maybe I’ll spank you.”  
Dean swallowed down his vomit when Balthazar said this and fought against the urge to kick this angel’s ass.  
“Nothing more to say?”  
When Dean shook his head, Balthazar stepped back. Dean tried to hold back his scream, when Balthazar hit him again with the whip, but he failed.  
“Three.”  
The next two whiplashes seemed even more painful to Dean and when Balthazar finally left, he fell down on his knees, right in front of the bed, crying. He buried his face in the soft blanket and just started sobbing. Not just because of the pain. But he also missed his home. The small apartment he had lived in, since his father’s death. Sitting on the couch every night and drinking a beer with Bobby. But most important, he missed Sammy. He missed his baby brother already now. Not even one day had passed and he already missed him so much, it felt like his heart got ripped out of his chest.  
Dean just cried and sobbed until suddenly someone lightly touched his shoulder. Dean screamed startled and turned around, moving back until his back hit the wall. It hurt, but Dean was too focused on defensing himself. When he saw the blue-eyed angel, his eyes narrowed, but he kept quiet, because he knew, he wasn’t allowed to talk.  
“Please,” the angel said soothingly, “don’t be afraid. I won’t harm you.” He raised his hands and Dean saw he held a bowl with water in the one hand and something that looked like lotion in the other.  
“I just want to take care of your back.”  
Dean hesitated. Why was this angel so nice to him? Could he trust him?  
“Please. Let me help you.” The angel looked out of his big, blue eyes begging at Dean. He seemed genuine, so Dean nodded slowly.  
“Good,” the angel said and smiled. He placed the bowl on the nightstand and Dean saw a face-cloth in it. “Just turn around,” the angel said. “Then I will clean your wounds and put some of the lotion on it. It will help you, I promise.”  
Dean slowly turned around and when he faced the wall, he saw bloodstains from his back there and winced.  
“Oh. That doesn’t matter,” the angel said when he saw it. “Don’t worry.” He placed his hand on the wall and a second later, the blood was gone. Dean raised his eyebrows surprised and looked at the angel.  
“I would heal you with my powers. Really. But I’m not allowed to. I’m sorry.”  
Dean just nodded and looked back to the wall, his frown deepened. Why did the blue-eyed angel apologize? He didn’t do anything.  
A moment later, he felt warm water running down his back and the soft rub of the face cloth. The water burned in the wounds, but it wasn’t that bad.  
“He didn’t hold back,” the angel sighed after a while and laid his hand on Dean’s shoulder. “This must hurt really badly.”  
Dean just shrugged, because he felt like he should answer, but he wasn’t allowed to talk. The angel put the bowl and the face-cloth aside and then took the lotion.  
“It doesn’t smell good, but it will help.” He opened it and spread it carefully over Dean’s back. His fingers were soft and cold and it felt really good.  
After a minute, the angel stepped back. “Okay,” he said. “I think now it should get better. You… should just sleep on your stomach tonight.”  
Dean nodded and then turned around, so he faced him. The angel smiled lightly and took the bowl from the nightstand. “Good night, Dean. And don’t forget to get breakfast ready at nine.” After he spoke, he vanished and Dean was left alone again. He sat down on his bed and leaned forward, burying his face in his hands.  
He hated the fact that the angel had caught him in such a vulnerable state. Even if he hadn’t said anything to it. Dean didn’t want this to ever happen again.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When everything gets worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: sexual content, Rape/Non-Con  
> ***  
> Feel free to tell me if you find any mistakes, so I can correct them.  
> ***

In the next few days everything went pretty good. Dean didn’t make any more mistakes, so he didn’t get punished either. Plus, he figured out the name of the blue-eyed angel: Castiel. They didn’t really get in contact; Castiel wasn’t the type of angel who made many orders. – In contrary to Balthazar. _He_ seemed to love it, that Dean had to do everything he wanted him to do. So for example Balthazar called him when he was about to take a bath or something like that and forced Dean to help him to take off his clothes. Dean hated this sick psychopath with every cell of his body.  
However, with the knowledge he had later, he wished those days back.  
The first night it happened, was like two months after Dean started working there. In the middle of the night, Balthazar suddenly stood next to his bed and woke Dean up.  
“Don’t make a sound,” he said. “Nobody would help you anyway.”  
Before Dean could realize what was happening, Balthazar pulled him out of the bed on his feet and the boxer briefs, Dean wore to sleep, were gone. Dean tried to escape, but Balthazar grabbed his wrists behind his back and forced him to kneel down in front of the bed.  
Balthazar kneeled right behind him, so Dean could feel the angel’s hips pressing against his ass.  
“I bet you’re tight,” Balthazar growled quietly and ran his hands down Dean’s thighs. Dean wanted to defense himself and escape from Balthazar’s touch, but the panic made him unable to move.  
“Don’t!” he hissed when he felt Balthazar grabbing his thighs.  
“Didn’t I tell you to be quiet?” Balthazar asked and slapped Dean’s ass. A small whimper escaped Dean’s lips but apart from this, he kept quiet. When he felt Balthazar’s suddenly slick finger pressing against his hole, he moved his hips away from him, but now he was only pressed closer against the bed and couldn’t move at all.  
Balthazar pressed his finger inside Dean and Dean’s fingers clenched in the mattress and he shut his eyes. “Please,” he whimpered. “Please don’t! I… I’ll do anything.”  
“Shut up, I said,” Balthazar growled and slapped Dean’s ass again, pushing a second finger to the first. Dean’s eyes were filled with tears and he just prayed – to whoever was listening – that this would be over soon.  
It hurt. It hurt so badly. Balthazar roughly worked him open with his fingers, before he started to fuck him.  
Dean hated it. He hated every inch of his body that got touched from Balthazar. But the worst thing was, every now and then, Balthazar hit this spot inside him, which made Dean moan involuntarily. When Balthazar noticed, he started thrusting harder, trying to hit this spot as often as possible.  
Dean didn’t come, but when Balthazar finally stopped, his was close to it. And he hated himself for this.  
When Balthazar left Dean alone, he curled down on the floor and just cried silently for an eternity. After what felt like hours, he finally managed to get up and stumble to the bathroom. He turned the water on, so hot it burned his skin, but that didn’t matter. He felt unchaste and bad and he wanted to scrub this off from himself. So he took the body brush and scrubbed over his whole body until his skin hurt.  
He collapsed on the floor of the shower and buried his face between his knees. How could his body react like this to what Balthazar had done?! Wretched traitor.  
Dean didn’t know how it came to it, but suddenly he caught himself punching against the wall again and again until he didn’t have the power to raise his hands anymore.  
Somehow he managed to stand up and turn off the water. He staggered back to the bedroom and fell down on the bed, naked and wet, just like he was, praying that this would never happen again.

It happened almost every night from then on.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Dean gets a letter and Castiel opens up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to tell me if you find any mistakes, so I can correct them (:

Dean just finished cleaning the kitchen this evening, when suddenly Zachariah appeared behind him.  
“You got a letter,” he said and reached the envelope to Dean. “We will allow you to answer to it.”  
Dean nodded thankfully and took the letter. He waited until Zachariah was gone, before he opened it. It was from Sam.

_Hey De,_   
_I never heard something from you, even though you promised me you’d write, so I started to worry. Bobby didn’t allow me to write you, because he said sometimes the slaves get punished when they get post, but now I couldn’t wait anymore. I’m sorry if you got in trouble because of me, but I’m really worried._   
_Are they good to you?_   
_Are you okay?_   
_Just please don’t continue this because of me, if they hurt you. I don’t want you to do this._   
_And please write me back if they let you and tell me how it’s going._   
_I miss you!_   
_Sammy_

Dean let his hand sink down and pressed his lips together. Dammit. He didn’t want Sammy to worry. He knew he should have written him a letter, but frankly he had been too scared to ask if he was allowed to. Balthazar used every tiny mistake from him to punish him. But the punishments still weren’t as bad as the nights were. Dean had now gotten really good in just lying there and letting it happen, but there were some nights where Balthazar just focused on getting Dean off, because he knew exactly how much this fucked Dean up mentally.  
Yesterday had been such a night. After this, Dean always felt so bad and unworthy. One time, he had punched so hard against a wall, he had broken his hand. It was the only time, he had gotten healed with angelic powers and Zachariah had said, if Dean would ever do this again, they’d break every single bone from his body before they’d heal him. Twice.  
So since then, Dean had gotten more carefully. He didn’t necessarily want to _hurt_ himself anyway. He just wanted to get rid of the frustration and anger he felt towards himself and Balthazar.  
Dean put the letter back in the envelope and then went upstairs to his room. When he opened the door and entered, he saw some sheets of paper and a pen on the nightstand. He grabbed it and began to write his letter for Sammy.  
Of course he didn’t tell him about the things Balthazar did to him. But he didn’t wrote the letter too happy either, because then, Sammy would’ve gotten suspicious.  
When he finished the letter, he put it in the envelope he found on the nightstand too and put it in there. He left his room and went downstairs to go to Zachariah’s room, to ask him if they could send it. But before he arrived there, suddenly Castiel stood next to him.  
“Are you done with your letter?” he asked Dean.  
Dean nodded and reached it to him.  
“Good. I will send it then.”  
Dean opened his mouth, but in the last moment, he remembered and instead touched his collar, like they told him to do, if he wanted to say something.  
Castiel nodded. “Talk.”  
“Will you…” Dean hesitated. “You will really send it, won’t you?” His voice sounded weird in his own ears. It was a long time since the last time he had talked.  
“Of course. C’mon.” Castiel made a movement with his head to show Dean, he should follow him. Castiel walked in front of Dean to the door and when they left the mansion, Dean looked back insecure. He wasn’t sure if he was allowed to leave the mansion, even when Castiel was by his side.  
“Don’t worry,” Castiel said as if he had read Dean’s thoughts. “The others can’t punish you for leaving the mansion when you’re with me. You’re my human too.”  
Dean winced slightly when Castiel called him ‘his human’. He didn’t want to be anyone’s human. But had been able to see in Castiel’s eyes when he said it, that the angel didn’t really like it either, so it wasn’t that bad.  
They walked for a while in silence, until they came to the mail box. Castiel threw the letter in it and then turned around to look at Dean and smiled.  
“Sent,” he said.  
Dean smiled lightly. He had to admit, he was really glad, that he had seen how the letter had gotten sent. Because otherwise, he would’ve never been sure about it.  
“Would it be okay for you… if we sat down for a moment?” Castiel suddenly asked and pointed on a bench on the side of the street. “I’d like to talk to you about something.”  
Dean frowned, but then he nodded and followed Castiel to the bench. For a while they both were quiet, Castiel just looked at the street, waiting until the elderly couple had passed them.  
“I…” he began hesitant. “I don’t know how I should say it. It’s just… I know what Balthazar does to you. We all know. And I… I tried to convince him to not to do it. And I tried to convince Zachariah to talk to him. But they won’t listen to me. I’m just… I’m so sorry you have to go through this. I wish I could do anything to help you.”  
Dean just looked down on his hands. Even if he had been allowed to talk, he wouldn’t have known what to say.  
When he looked at Castiel, he saw that the angel was looking at him with an almost heartbreakingly apologizing look in his eyes. It reminded Dean somehow of Sammy’s puppy eyes.  
Dean raised his hand to touch the collar, to ask for the permission to speak, but before he could do this, Castiel took his hand and gently pushed it down again.  
“Don’t do this. I want you to speak free when you’re with me, okay? You’re not my slave. Now say what you wanted to say.”  
Dean hesitated for a moment, but then he slowly started talking. “I… I really appreciate that you apologize, but you don’t have to. You’re not the one doing this to me. You never hurt me. And I didn’t forget how you helped me on my first evening here.”  
“That was nothing,” Castiel just said and shook his head. “I should do more.”  
Dean wanted to touch his collar again, but Castiel shook his head. “I was serious when I said you should speak free.”  
“You… you don’t have to feel guilty. I can cope with this. I’m okay.”  
Castiel frowned worrying and he looked at Dean. “You say this, but I know you’re not. I saw you when you thought nobody was watching. I know how tired you are. I see the sadness in your eyes and I can hear you crying in the night. So don’t lie to me, please. Tell me how I can help you.”  
Dean’s jaw clenched and he turned his head away from Castiel. He didn’t want the angel to think that he was weak. He could cope with this.  
Castiel sighed; it sounded sad. “Okay,” he said. “Then not. But if this changes… if there’s something I can do for you… then tell me. Can you promise me this, Dean? That you’ll tell me?”  
Dean looked at the angel when he said his name. It was the first time Dean had heard him saying it, and he was surprised by how good it sounded out of Castiel’s mouth.  
For a while they just stared at each other, until Castiel raised his hand. Just before Dean’s face he stopped.  
“May I…?” he asked.  
Dean was surprised, that Castiel had asked, but he was even more surprised, when he realized, that he had nodded. Castiel softly touched Dean’s face and stroke with his long fingers over Dean’s cheeks.  
“I like your freckles,” he said. “They suit you.”  
Dean felt how his face became hot when he blushed. Castiel’s eyes widened abashed, but his fingers stayed where they were.  
“I-I’m sorry,” he stuttered, “Was this… inappropriate? The others always say I’m not good with other people. I… I tend to just say what I think, because I don’t get the social rules. Sometimes I say things I shouldn’t say.”  
Dean shook his head and couldn’t help but smile lightly. Somehow Castiel didn’t suit the image he had of angels at all.  
“You’re not mad at me?” Castiel asked.  
“No,” Dean chuckled. “It’s alright.”  
“Good.” Castiel smiled and then took his hands off Dean’s cheeks as if he had totally forgotten that they were still there. He looked like he was about to say something, but then they heard a fluttering sound right behind them and Lucifer appeared.  
“Sorry to interrupt your cuddle-time with our pet, douchebag,” he said. “But Zachariah searches you. And he’s in a bad mood.” Lucifer smirked spitefully. “And I don’t think it will be better when I told him _this_.”  
Before Castiel could say something, Lucifer was gone. Castiel sighed. “I’m sorry, Dean. I wish Lucifer hadn’t seen this. Balthazar won’t be pleased. I will try not to let him to you, but I can’t promise anything. I’m sorry.”  
Dean shook his head. He didn’t care about Balthazar right now. “That’s not important,” he said. – Involuntarily touching his collar before he spoke. “What’s with you? Lucifer said Zachariah was in a bad mood.”  
“That doesn’t matter. I will bring you back now.” He touched Dean’s arm and a second later, they stood in Dean’s room.  
“Goodbye, Dean,” he said, stroking over Dean’s cheek, before he disappeared. Dean stood just in the middle of his room for a while, not knowing what to do, what to think or even what to _feel_.  
Castiel was just one giant surprise. Since the first evening, they had barely talked, and now he did _this_. Dean really didn’t know what he should think of this angel. But he _did_ know, that he was worried about him.  
Even when Balthazar showed up later this night, Dean just hid in the last edge of his mind, ignoring what Balthazar was doing to his body, like he learned it over the months, and worried about Castiel.  
When Balthazar left and he could finally fall asleep, he dreamt sorrowful, worrying dreams about whips and punishments and hurt angels with blue puppy eyes.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Balthazar's humiliations reach a new climax

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it took me so long to update and sorry it's so short but I promise I will post the next chapter tonight!  
> *  
> Feel free to tell me if you find any mistakes so I can correct them

The next day, Dean tried to figure out what happened to Castiel, but he didn’t see him all day and the other angels acted as if nothing had happened.   
The only hint he got, was in the afternoon, when he had to do Naomi’s hair – they had made him learn this in the first week he had been here – while she was phoning with a friend.  
“No, Castiel can’t come with us. I asked Luci instead,” she said.  
Dean’s body tensed when he heard the name and he listened closer. He didn’t understand what the friend said, but then Naomi replied: “I know you don’t like Luci. But Castiel did something stupid… and got grounded.”   
The friend said something again and Naomi hesitated before she answered, looking through the mirror at Dean. Dean pretended he wasn’t listening and looked down on her hair.  
“Yes. That kind of grounded,” she murmured then quietly and kind of sad.

After he heard this, Dean couldn’t focus on anything anymore. He knew he shouldn’t care about Castiel, but he was worried though.  
He almost fell down the stairs when he carried the dirty clothes down to the washing machine and he burned his hand, while cooking dinner, because he was thinking too much about what happened to Cas.  
It couldn’t go on like that.

Exactly eight days passed before he saw Castiel again. The angel just sat at the table, when Dean served breakfast, as if nothing had happened. Dean tried to make eye-contact to figure out if Castiel was okay, but Castiel didn’t even look towards him. Usually he had always smiled at him, but today… nothing.  
Dean was sad and worried for the whole day – c’mon, who was he lying to? – he was worried for the whole _week_ until something happened, that changed his priorities.   
It was a Saturday evening, Dean was just cleaning the living room, when suddenly Balthazar appeared.  
“Put the vacuum-cleaner away,” he said and smirked. “We’re going shopping.”  
Dean frowned and then Balthazar held up his hand. He needed a moment to realize what it was, but when he did, all the blood shot out of his face.  
It was a leash.

Dean had never had to go through something more humiliating than walking around on a leash. The way the people stared at him, made him want to disappear in a cave and never come back again.  
But the worst thing was only about to happen. They just stepped out of the elevator, when Dean saw him. He was there, one floor higher, walking around with Bobby and laughing over something.  
Sammy.  
When he saw Dean too, his smile vanished. They just stared at each other for a long second, before Balthazar pulled Dean away.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Dean has to take drastic actions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to tell me if you find any mistakes, so I can correct them.

Dean couldn’t think of anything else than Sam. Almost half a year had passed since the last time he had seen him. He had gotten so _tall_. Even in the distance Dean had seen this.  
But much more alert was the way his face had looked when he had seen Dean. How his smile, all the happiness, had just disappeared.  
Dean wished Sam hadn’t seen him like this.

Later that night, Balthazar was – of course – here again. Dean was tied up on the bed, Balthazar’s hand on his cock and he was so close to an orgasm for like the fifth time in a row. He knew if he would just got off, it would be over, but Balthazar won’t let him. Every time when Dean was right about to come, he stopped and waited until Dean had calmed down, before he started again.  
Dean knew, Balthazar wanted him to beg, but this would never ever happen. He would rather die than start begging.  
But this time, he didn’t stop to bring Dean down. His words were just enough.   
“I had an interesting conversation with your brother this evening.”  
Dean’s head jerked upright – as much as he could – and he stared at Balthazar, horrified. “What?!”  
“Shh!” Balthazar slapped him – relative – lightly. “He wanted to switch places with you. He _begged_ me to take him instead of you.”  
“No!” Dean shouted. “Don’t-“  
Balthazar hit him in the face. “Shut up. You only talk when you’re allowed to.” He was quiet for a while as if he needed to remember, where he had stopped talking. “I have to say… his offer was pretty… convincingly. Especially because I know how happy Lucifer would be, if we’d get little Sammy as our slave.”  
Dean clenched his jaw and buried his fingers in his palms, so he won’t start to insult Balthazar.   
“But…” the angel said then. “As the nice person I am, I will give you the chance to convince me to keep you. And just a little tip: It won’t help to run to Zachariah. I already talked to him. He said I could decide. I will give you time until tomorrow, seven a.m.”  
With those words, Balthazar and the bonds were gone and Dean was left alone with an aching erection and a much worse pain in his heart.

***

The next morning at seven, Dean was ready. Well, as ready as he could be. He had been awake almost the whole night, trying to think of something that was good enough to offer Balthazar, until he could finally think of something, which would – hopefully – be sufficiently. It had to be. It was the only thing Dean got.   
When Balthazar came, Dean sat on the edge of the bed, already waiting for him.   
“Speak,” Balthazar said. “What is your offer?”  
“I don’t own many things, but I don’t think I’d be able to convince you with material things anyway,” Dean said slowly. “So I’m offering you the only thing I got.” Dean paused for a moment, taking a deep breath. “Me.”  
Balthazar scoffed. “I already own you.”  
“No.” Dean shook his head. “I mean… really.” He took a deep breath. “Mark me,” he said then, his voice shaking.   
Balthazar raised his eyebrows. “Really?”  
Dean nodded once, not daring to lower his gaze.   
“You know what it means, when I mark you? And you ask me to do it? With all the consequences?”  
Dean inhaled another time deeply. “Yes.”  
“Offer accepted,” Balthazar said and laid his hand on Dean’s neck, so his fingers reached over Dean’s cheek. Dean wanted to pull his face back – usually angels marked on the arm or the back – but it was already too late.  
He felt the pain burning through his skin and when Balthazar took his hand away a minute later, Dean was on the edge of tears.  
He was marked now.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Dean and Castiel get to talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to tell me if you find any mistakes, so I can correct them (:

The mark burned on Dean’s face while he was preparing breakfast, a constant reminder of what he had done this morning.  
He hadn’t looked at it yet, because he didn’t want to know how it looked. All he knew, was that the mark covered a part of his neck and almost his whole right cheek. It was huge. Or at least it felt like it.   
At nine o’clock, he brought the last things for the breakfast to the table. – The eggs and the pancakes, because those things had to be warm.  
Nobody seemed to be surprised by his mark. Well, at least that’s what Dean had thought, until he turned around to leave the room.  
He heard a sharp gasp from his left and stopped to look at the angel, who had made the sound.  
Castiel.   
“Balthazar!” he shouted, his blue eyes glooming angrily. “What have you done?!”  
Balthazar just smirked and leaned back in his chair. “He offered himself to me.”  
Castiel looked at Dean, pain so obviously written all over his face, until he suddenly jumped up and vanished. The other angels just awkwardly looked down on their plates.  
Dean wanted to leave the kitchen, but Balthazar snapped his fingers towards him, so he turned back around.   
“Go and look after the douchebag,” Balthazar said. “He’s upstairs in his room.”  
Dean frowned, but when he felt the pain in his mark, he hurried to obey Balthazar. Somehow insecure he knocked on Castiel’s door. After a moment, the door opened. Castiel looked surprised at him.   
“What are you doing here?”  
Dean’s hand flinched to his collar, but before he could touch it, Castiel held him back. “Don’t touch it,” Castiel said.   
“I… uh… Balthazar said I should look after you.”  
Castiel scoffed, but then he pulled Dean in his room and closed the door behind him. Dean wasn’t the first time in this room. He had been in here many times before, when he cleaned it, but with Castiel in it, it had a completely different presence. The dark wooden furniture matched to the image Dean had from Castiel.   
“Why did you do this, Dean?” Castiel asked and laid his hand softly over the mark. Dean expected it to hurt even more, but instead the angel’s touch soothed the pain under his skin.   
“I had to,” Dean said hoarsely. “Otherwise he would’ve taken Sammy.”  
“Sam is your brother, isn’t he?” Castiel asked.  
Dean just nodded.   
“You wanted to protect him,” Castiel said frowning. “So you sold yourself.” His hand laid still on Dean’s face. “You shouldn’t have done this.”  
“I had no other choice,” Dean said, suddenly angry. “I did it for Sam. And he’s worth it.”  
“Dean, do you even know what this means?” Castiel asked him and shook his head.   
“Why do you even care?!” Dean shouted angrily. “The other one’s don’t give a fuck. So why do you?”  
“Because I’m not like the others, Dean,” Castiel said and turned away from him. “I didn’t sin. I still have the angelic in me. I can see you. The _real_ you. Your soul. And you’re so pure… so righteous. You don’t deserve being treated like this.” Castiel stood just there, his shoulders bent and looking down on the ground. “I _don’t want you_ to get treated like this,” he said then, his voice even deeper than usual.   
“Yeah, well, it’s too late now,” Dean said, not sure what he should think of Castiel’s behavior. “There’s nothing you can do about it.”  
Castiel nodded and then turned around to Dean. Dean’s eyes widened surprised when he saw the pain in Castiel’s blue eyes.   
“You really do care,” Dean said.   
“Of course I do. Why should I be lying to you?”  
“I don’t know.”  
Dean gasped when a sudden pain burned in the mark. He pressed his hand on his face. “Dammit!”  
“That’s Balthazar. You have to go back to him,” Castiel sighed.  
Dean just nodded, not being able to talk because of the pain and turned around to go to the door.   
“Dean?” Castiel said before Dean left the room.   
“What?” he somehow managed to say and turned around to look at the angel.   
“I’ll keep trying to protect you.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's a short one!  
> I will update soon!
> 
> Feel free to tell me if you find any mistakes, so I can correct them (:

Dean kneeled on the floor in front of Balthazar, his hands handcuffed behind his back and his whole body sore from the treatment in the last few days. Balthazar grabbed his shoulders and pressed his abdomen down. Dean was now dependent on Balthazar’s hands, because if Balthazar would let go of him, he would fall right down on his face.   
When he felt Balthazar’s cock pushing inside him, he whimpered quietly and his body tensed. He knew it would hurt less if he relaxed, but he couldn’t bring himself to it.   
The trick with shutting out didn’t work anymore and Dean had a guess that this was because of the mark. Probably Balthazar forced him somehow to stay here, even in his mind.  
In this moment the angel grabbed Dean’s shoulders tighter, pressed so firm that Dean feared his collar bones would break. Balthazar thrusted harder, the pain burned through Dean’s whole body. But he knew, if he’d show any sign of how painful this was for him, Balthazar would only treat him even worse. So he just dug his fingernails in his palms and bit his lips, trying not to make a sound.

When Balthazar finally left, Dean dragged himself to the shower and washed his body with steaming hot water. He stayed under the shower until his whole body was red from the water’s heat and he felt like burning. Nothing could ever wash off this shame he went through from day to day.  
Dean stepped out of the shower and dried himself with a towel and put on some boxer-briefs, before he fell down on the bed and slept almost instantly. He was dead-tired every night, because throughout the whole day he had to play servant for the whole family and clean the house and cook and in the evenings Balthazar came and fucked him up. – Physically and mentally.  
In a few months the contract with the family would end and he wouldn’t have to serve for the whole family anymore. Dean hoped it would get easier then, but he doubted it, because then Balthazar wouldn’t have to be considerate anymore, because Dean wouldn’t have to be able to work the next day anymore.

When Dean woke up the next morning, his whole body ached from the uncomfortable position last night. He stretched his back and tiredly dressed himself, before he went downstairs to prepare breakfast.  
While he was making the pancakes, he suddenly heard the fluttering sound of wings behind him. He turned around and saw Castiel standing behind him.  
“Good morning, Dean,” the blue eyed angel said and smiled lightly. “How do you feel?”  
“Good,” Dean mumbled and turned back around to keep an eye on the pancakes, so he won’t burn them.   
He heard Castiel sigh, but before one of them can say something more, Dean heard another angel appear. He didn’t turn around to look who it was, but as soon as the angel started talking, Dean realized it was Lucifer.  
“What are you doing here, douchebag?” Lucifer asked Castiel. Dean frowned when he hears the insult. The whole family called Castiel like that – he even heard Zachariah saying it.   
“I was just telling Dean that my room needs some clean-up this afternoon,” Castiel lied. “Also I was just about to go. See you at the breakfast.” With this words, Castiel was gone.  
Lucifer stepped closer to Dean, until the angel’s chest almost touched Dean’s back. He bent down, so close his lips brushed over Dean’s ear. “Look, human,” he hissed then. “That was pretty smart from you, how you made Balthazar keep you instead of getting your brother. And I don’t know what’s going on between you and the douchebag, but believe me. If there’s any sign, that there’s more between you two than just the usual relationship between angel and servant, then believe me, I’m gonna tell Balthazar and then you can beg as much as you want, but he will kill you and then I’ll finally get the precious little Sammy. You understand?”  
Dean just nodded, not even daring to breathe until Lucifer disappeared. Dammit, he didn’t even know by himself what was going on between him and Castiel. There wasn’t nothing, but there wasn’t _something_ either.   
Anyway, he had to be more careful now. He couldn’t risk Lucifer implying something. Because Balthazar could in fact kill him, without getting in trouble. Dean was his and as long as he belonged to Balthazar – which was for the rest of his life – the angel had the full right to control everything about him. Even when he wanted to end Dean’s life.  
And Dean couldn’t risk getting killed, because he didn’t want Sammy to have to come here. So he would just stop with whatever there was between him and Castiel. _He_ could cope with this here. Only so Sammy wouldn’t have to.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Balthazar gets angry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So so so sorry I took three days to update  
> but therefore it's a longer one  
> idk, I hope you guys like it.
> 
> Feel free to tell me if you find any mistakes, so I can correct them (:

It was a nice plan, trying to limit the contact to Castiel to a minimum, just bad Castiel didn’t see it like that. Dean had tried to explain it to him, but Castiel won’t stop being around Dean all the time.   
“Castiel, can you please stop with this?” Dean started another attempt to keep this angel away from him. “I explained you. It’s dangerous.”  
“I won’t let anything happen to you,” Castiel just said.  
This time Dean really got angry. He was just tired and sore and hurt and pissed off. “You _always_ say this, Castiel. _Always_. But in the end you don’t do anything. You talk all day about protecting me, but in the end I’m always getting raped and thwacked all night long from Balthazar. I know you don’t owe me anything, but then can you at least stop talking shit all the time, because I’m fucking tired of hearing your lies!”  
Every other angel would’ve beaten Dean up so hard after this. But not Castiel. His only reaction were a pain filled look in his eyes and a small head-shake before he disappeared.  
Dean sighed. He hadn’t wanted to hurt the angel. He kinda liked Castiel. After all, it was somehow nice to have someone here who talked to Dean. He had gotten pretty lonely here and so getting a little bit company from Castiel wasn’t actually that bad. If only the whole thing with Balthazar wouldn’t be…

The next few days, Castiel actually stayed away from Dean. Dean was equally relieved and sad about this. He knew it was better this way. But frankly, it was so much harder too. Dean had never noticed, how much the time he’d spent with Castiel had helped him, even if there hadn’t really been anything else thank just Castiel telling him trivial things.   
But now, when this had stopped, everything was just so much harder for Dean. The days seemed endless and the nights were full of torture. He didn’t know how much longer he’d be able to do this.

This evening, Balthazar came in later than usual. And he was angrier than usual.   
“Who do you think you are?” he growled and pushed Dean against the chest, so he stumbled backwards. “Do you think you can do what you want?! You’re _mine_ for heaven’s sake.” He slapped Dean across the face. Dean pressed his hand on his aching cheek and tried to protect himself from more hits.   
“Tell me one reason why I shouldn’t kill you right now,” Balthazar hissed.  
 _Because I’m still not yours alone_ , Dean thought, but didn’t say anything. He didn’t even know what he had done to make Balthazar this angry. He was sure he hadn’t made any mistakes today.   
“Tell me,” Balthazar snarled and only then Dean realized that Balthazar really wanted an answer.   
“I… I don’t know what I did,” he stuttered. Balthazar hit him again. This time so hard, Dean literally flew across the room before he hit the wall and fell down on the floor. He whimpered and curled himself together, trying to protect his face from Balthazar.   
“Don’t lie to me!” the angel shouted furious. “I know from you and the douchebag. Lucifer told me everything.”   
“What?!” Dean asked panicked. “This… this isn’t true! We didn’t talk in days!”  
Balthazar grasped Dean’s neck and lifted him up, pinning him against the wall, high enough so Dean’s feet won’t reach the floor. “And what was before then?! Do you think you can just walk around and do what you want?! You wear _my_ mark. You are _mine_. I don’t give a fuck that you are his servant too. You are _mine_.” He pulled his hand away from Dean’s neck and Dean fell down, desperately trying to catch his breath.  
“Better make sure you won’t forget this,” Balthazar growled dangerously quiet.   
Dean whimpered, but before he could really react, suddenly his hands were handcuffed and all his clothes were gone. Usually Balthazar preferred to undress and handcuff Dean by himself, so this could only mean today he would draw all his attentions on the torments tonight.   
He grabbed the chain of Dean’s handcuffs and pulled him up on his feet, attaching the chain on the bedframe. Even if Dean actually knew that this would be his smallest problem, he just thought how his back would hurt the next day from standing bent over for a long time.  
But in the next moment, Balthazar hit him hard with a whip and this thought disappeared. Dean screamed in pain and his legs trembled, almost giving in. Before he could even halfway recover from it, the next whiplash met his back. And one more. And one more.  
Dean lost count over how many times Balthazar hit him with the whip, but when it finally was over, he kneeled on the floor, only getting held from his handcuffs and he felt that his back wasn’t much more than just a bloody mess. Balthazar wiped with his hand over the whip, blood sprinkling all over Dean and the floor.   
“Get up,” Balthazar growled. “I’m not done.”  
Dean swallowed empty and fought with his limp legs, desperately trying to get up. But he couldn’t. His legs trembled so much and were so weak, he couldn’t hold himself upright. After a minute Balthazar lost his patience. He grabbed Dean’s neck and pulled him up, opening the handcuffs and pressing his back against the wall. Dean screamed pained and tried to step away from the wall, but Balthazar kept him pressed against it.   
“If you move, you will regret it,” he said before he took his hands off Dean. Dean became rigid, not daring to move even a single muscle, while Balthazar just stared at him for a moment. “I’ve got big plans for you tonight,” he mumbled, his lips brushing over Dean’s ear. He grabbed Dean’s dick and stroked it a few times. Dean wanted to pull back and escape from Balthazar’s touch but he didn’t dare to move.   
He hated how his body reacted to it. Hated that he got hard. Balthazar continued moving his hand until Dean was really close to his climax. But Dean buried his fingernails in his palms, desperately trying to hold back. Exactly in the moment he thought he would explode, suddenly a burning pain on his chest made him scream. Balthazar’s hand laid on his chest and somehow _burned_ through Dean’s skin. The angel dragged his flaming hot hand all over Dean’s body, stopping every now and then just to bring Dean to the edge of his orgasm again. Dean’s whole body hurt so badly and it seemed impossible that he still had an erection. But somehow Balthazar managed to keep him aroused.  
Suddenly both of Balthazar’s hands disappeared from Dean’s body.   
Dean tried to catch his breath, his body trembled. His whole body hurt so bad, it felt like he was burning alive. He looked down, to see how bad it looked, but… there was _nothing_. Literally nothing to see. But he _felt_ it. It hurt so badly.  
He broke down on his knees, sobbing uncontrollably. His whole body hurt so badly and he just wished he would die. Everything was better than this burning pain.   
“Make it stop,” he sobbed. “Please make it stop!” He buried his fingers in his hair and pulled on it, screaming. “Make it stop! Make it stop, make it stop, make it stop!”   
He wished the fire he felt was real. Wished it would really burn him. So he could die and not just suffer from it.   
“Please!” he sobbed. “Make it stop.”  
But Balthazar stood just there, watching him scream and cry and suffer, not doing anything. “Maybe the next time you think twice before you make me angry,” he said then and disappeared. For a moment the pain in Dean’s body disappeared, but before he could even exhale relieved, it came back, worse than before. Dean couldn’t even scream. The pain was so bad now, any air disappeared from his body. He couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t think, he couldn’t scream.  
There was just _pain._

Somehow on the edge of his mind Dean realized that he had gotten up and now stumbled towards the shower. _Water. Cold. Extinguish the fire._   
Dean’s hands fumbled an eternity on the faucet until he finally managed to turn on the water. But instead of relief, the cold water just brought him even more pain. He screamed and escaped the spray, stumbling over the edge of the shower tray and falling down on his stomach. Not able to summon up enough energy to move anymore, he just laid there, sobbing and curling himself together to a small ball.  
He felt someone touch his shoulder and suddenly his skin there hurt even more. Dean screamed and rolled away, trying to escape the touch. He buried his face in his arms, fingers scratching over his scalp, still crying uncontrollably.   
“Dean!” Only when he heard his name, he realized that there was someone talking to him. He somehow managed to raise his head and saw Castiel sitting next to him, a worried look on his face. Dean snorted out a laugh, still crying though, because he had just gotten punished for spending too much time with him, and now Castiel was here again.   
“Dean tell me what’s wrong!” Castiel said and laid his hands on Dean’s shoulders.  
Dean screamed and leaned away. “Don’t touch me!” he cried. “It hurts!”  
“What hurts, Dean! You need to tell me!”  
“It burns,” Dean sobbed falling down again. This pain just drained all energy from him. He just wanted to lay down and die. Just don’t feel anything ever again.  
Castiel hissed something Dean didn’t understand. “Dean, listen to me. I think I know what Balthazar did. It’s a very complicated spell. You feel as if you were burning alive, right?”  
Dean nodded, not able to do more.   
“Okay. I know it hurts when I touch you, but you need to let me do this. I will heal you, okay? It will get better. I promise.”  
Dean hesitated for a while, but eventually he nodded again.   
“Can you turn around and lay on your back?”  
He needed a few tries, but eventually he managed it to turn around.   
“Wait a second.” Castiel stood up and held his hands under the cold water from the shower and then turned it off before he kneeled down next to Dean again. “Dean… this will hurt now. I’m sorry. But I promise it will be better afterwards.”  
He laid his hands on Dean’s chest and a scream, racked with pain, escaped Dean’s lips.   
“I’m so sorry,” Castiel said, his voice breaking.  
Dean tried to keep silent and focused on breathing instead. It hurt. It hurt so much. He had never felt something this painful in his entire life and there, where Castiel’s hands touched his skin it was a million times worse than on the rest of his body.   
“Just kill me,” Dean sobbed when he bit his lips so hard he started bleeding. “Please, Castiel! I can’t.”  
“It will be okay, Dean. It will be okay,” Castiel said soothingly.   
But it wasn’t. The pain got worse and worse with every second. Goddammit, why couldn’t Dean just die already?!   
“I will make it stop,” Castiel whispered. “I will make you feel better.”  
In this moment, the pain reached his climax. Dean screamed, his body trembling uncontrollable, his chest rising from the floor and then he lost his consciousness.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So so so so so sorry it took me so long to update!!  
> I'm terrible, I know .-.  
> However, I hope you like it.

The feeling of cold water on his chest woke Dean up. He felt something rubbing gently over his skin and sighed relived. No pain.  
The next thing he felt was a cold cloth on his forehead and someone holding his hand.  
“Dean?” he heard a deep familiar voice. “Are you awake?”  
“Yes,” he mumbled, his voice hoarsely from all the screaming. He opened his eyes, blinking a few times to accustom on the light. He saw Castiel sitting next to him, a relieved smile on his lips, but his eyes looked as if he had cried.   
“I’m so glad you woke up! I was so worried when you passed out! How do you feel?”  
“Good,” Dean said rough. He propped on his elbows and only then he noticed that Castiel’s hand laid on his chest, holding a sponge. He frowned.   
“Oh,” Castiel said. “I was washing you. You… uhh, were sweaty.” The angel blushed and then took his hand off Dean’s body.   
“Thank you, Castiel,” Dean said. “For… helping me. For making the pain stop.”  
“Anytime.” Castiel took a deep breath and looked as if he wanted to say something, but didn’t know how. “Dean…” he began then. “It can’t go on like this. You… get tortured from Balthazar every night and in less than three months your contract with Zachariah ends and then you belong to Balthazar alone. I’m trying to help you as good as I can, but after those three months, I won’t be able to help you anymore. Not the tiniest bit.”  
Dean looked down on his hands. He really wanted to sooth Castiel and tell him that he could cope with this, but this wasn’t true. What would he have done tonight if Castiel hadn’t been there?!   
“Can… can I ask you something?” he asked hoarsely.   
“Of course.”  
“After… after we were outside together to send the letter… when Lucifer saw us together… you got in trouble. You were gone. Just because we spent some time together. But… but Balthazar can do all those things to me and… and no one cares. Why?”  
“Balthazar… he is mighty. Just as the rest. I’m not. You may have noticed that they show little respect towards me. And… Balthazar made clear that he wanted you and that he doesn’t want to share. So… actually we’re not allowed to see more in you than just our servant. But…” Castiel looked down on his hands. “I wanted you too. – Not in the same way Balthazar wants you,” he added hastily when Dean’s whole body tensed. “I just… I just wanted…” he gulped. “I… I don’t know what I wanted. But now I’m not even allowed to spend some time with you and Balthazar marked you and you got hurt because of me. Because _I_ didn’t stay away from you when I knew I should. Because _I_ didn’t stay away from you, not even when you asked me to. It’s my fault. I’m so sorry, Dean.”   
Dean didn’t know where he took the courage, but he sat up and tied his hands around Castiel, hugging him tightly. – Thankful that Castiel had put him on some sweatpants.   
Castiel buried his face in Dean’s neck and his fingers clenched in Dean’s upper arms.  
“It’s not your fault,” Dean said. “I made those decisions all by myself. And I know you do everything you can to help me. That’s more than I’d have ever thought I’d get. Thank you, Castiel.”  
Castiel shook his head and then leaned back, but leaving his hands on Dean’s upper arms. “You don’t understand… it won’t just get better. You will get punished for this. You will always get tortured and punished from Balthazar. It won’t just suddenly stop, Dean.”  
“I know, Castiel. And I _do_ understand. But there’s nothing I can do about it. So I… I just have to accept it. Unless you know a way out of this.”  
Castiel’s silence made him suspicious. “ _Do_ you know a way out of it?”  
“Not a good one,” Castiel said. “Not good for you.”  
“I don’t care. Any way out is a good way out.”  
Castiel hesitated and avoided eye-contact with Dean.   
“Tell me, Castiel. Even if I don’t do it then… I just want to know what my options are.”  
Castiel sighed, but then nodded. “As you may know… the mark can’t be removed. But… it can be replaced,” he said so quiet, Dean almost didn’t hear him.   
“Replaced? You mean…”  
“If you find an other angel, who you want to be marked from, and who has never sinned and is willing to mark you, after you were someone else’s… then it is possible to replace it.”  
 _An angel who has never sinned and is willing to mark you after you were someone else’s.  
_ “I assume… not many angels have never sinned and would want someone who got used before,” Dean sighed.   
“No,” Castiel said. “Not many.”  
“Yeah,” Dean sighed and then yawned. He didn’t know what time it was, but he knew that he didn’t had much more time, before he’d have to go and prepare breakfast. When he looked up and saw the way Castiel looked at him, he winced involuntarily. He knew this look. Castiel really _cared_.   
“Dean, I…” Castiel began but then stopped. “Nevermind,” he said then. “Can I do something else for you? I mean… do you need anything?”  
“No, but…”  
“I have to go now,” Castiel interrupted him. “Zachariah is calling me.”  
“But-”   
Before Dean could say what he wanted to say, Castiel was gone. Dammit.  
Dean was worried. Because he remembered the first night he had been here, Castiel had said he wasn’t allowed to heal him with his angelic powers. But today he had done it. Would he get punished for this?  
Dean looked at the clock in his nightstand. It was half past six. There wasn’t much more time until he would have to start preparing breakfast, so he decided to don’t go to sleep, even though he was really tired. So instead he put on some clothes and went downstairs to the kitchen. He picked something to eat out of his personal cupboard, but already after the first bite he felt sick.  
He didn’t want to eat.   
He wanted to know if Castiel was okay.  
He wanted to _make sure_ that Castiel was okay.  
He… wanted to _be the reason_ that Castiel was okay.  
Dammit.  
Dean leaned his forearms against the cupboard and buried his face between them. He really felt sick. In his mind there was only one thought.

_Please don’t hurt Castiel._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe leave me kudos or even a comment to tell me what you liked and what not? (:


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh Chuck.  
> I'm so so so so incredibly sorry it took me so long to update!!!  
> But i had a friend over for a week and had no time to write and stuff and I'm so incredibly sorry!!!  
> But today the whole day (or the rest of the day) will be for writing and I will try to upload another one today!!  
> Ugh I'm sorry!!!  
> But I hope you like this one!!!!!!!

“Dean.”  
Dean winced when he heard Balthazar saying his name right behind him. It was late afternoon now and until now he had neither seen Balthazar nor Castiel. And the whole time he had been worried that Balthazar _would_ show up and that Castiel would _not._  
Balthazar laid his hands on Dean’s shoulders. “I see you recovered from last night.”  
Dean looked down on his hand, not moving a single muscle. Balthazar laid his hand over the mark and pain burned through Dean’s face.   
“You shouldn’t have done this,” Balthazar said to Dean, his lips close to Dean’s ear. “Look, there is literally nothing that would keep me from killing you right in the second your contract with Zachariah ends. _Nothing_. So I would say you should better behave yourself and maybe give me a reason why I shouldn’t do it. You understand me?”  
Dean nodded, still not looking at Balthazar. For a moment the pain in his mark got worse, almost overwhelming. But then Balthazar disappeared and Dean exhaled relieved, his whole body shaking.   
He had to do something. It couldn’t go on like this. Balthazar would kill him; Dean was sure. But Dean didn’t want to die. He couldn’t let Sammy alone.  
He sighed, buried his face in his hands, when he thought about Castiel’s words from this morning again.

 _“As you may know… the mark can’t be removed. But… it can be replaced,” he said so quiet, Dean almost didn’t hear him._  
“Replaced? You mean…”  
“If you find an other angel, who you want to be marked from, and who has never sinned and is willing to mark you, after you were someone else’s… then it is possible to replace it.”

Suddenly Dean’s head jerked upright when he remembered something else, Castiel had once said. Something important.

 _“Because I’m not like the others, Dean,” Castiel said and turned away from him. “I didn’t sin. I still have the angelic in me. I can see you. The_ real _you. Your soul. And you’re so pure… so righteous. You don’t deserve being treated like this.”_

_I didn’t sin._

_I. Didn’t. Sin._

Castiel hadn’t sinned. He still was pure.  
He could replace Dean’s mark.   
Dean tried to steady his breath and think calmly about this whole situation. After all, just because Castiel _could_ help him, didn’t necessarily mean, that he would _want_ to help Dean.  
But then Dean remembered something else from their conversation.

_“I assume… not many angels have never sinned and would want someone who got used before,” Dean sighed.  
“No,” Castiel said. “Not many.”_

Not many.  
The way he had said it. As if he actually had wanted to say something more.  
 _Not many, but…_  
Dean shook his head. He shouldn’t make himself too many hopes about this. Why should Castiel want to mark him? He would only get trouble with Balthazar. And Dean wasn’t worth getting in trouble with Balthazar.  
Not at all.

***

  1. __  
Healing.  
Pain.  
Healing impossible.  
Pain.



Castiel couldn’t even think properly anymore. Hung up by his wings, the pain was so bad, he felt like he was going to die.

 _“I told you to stay away from him!” Zachariah shouted, his fist hitting Castiel’s temple “You have no right to spend time with him and even_ heal _him! You never had and you especially don’t have now, when he belongs to Balthazar. You understand me?!”_  
“Yes,” Castiel mumbled, looking down on the floor.   
Zachariah grabbed his chin and forced him to look at him. “I want you to obey my order. Otherwise I may be tempted to try some of Raphael’s methods on you. They seemed to work pretty well.”  
Castiel’s eyes widened when Zachariah named his former companion’s name. Raphael had been simply cruel and torturing.   
“Please don’t,” Castiel whispered. “I will obey.”  
Zachariah shoved him away. “Good. But I hope you know that you will get your punishment though.”

Castiel’s whole body trembled – which only increased the pain in his wings – when he remembered the conversation he had had with Zachariah and when because of this, the memories to a much worse time came back.  
 _Raphael._  
Before Castiel had become a part of Zachariah’s… “family” he had lived with an other angel; Raphael. Raphael had been cruel and always used the fact that he was the more powerful angel against Castiel. Castiel had gotten treated worse than some servants and the memories to this time still hurt.  
He felt like he couldn’t breathe anymore when he thought back to the times when he had gotten strangled and beaten up and even worse.  
And the fact that all those things happened to Dean, night for night made it even worse for Castiel. He just wanted to save Dean.   
Castiel never wanted someone to go through the things he had gone through. Especially not Dean. The human meant so much to Castiel. He remembered Dean’s pained face last night, his screams, his begs for release.

_“Just kill me,” Dean sobbed when he bit his lips so hard he started bleeding. “Please, Castiel! I can’t.”_

Tears filled Castiel’s eyes when he thought back at those words. Dean had begged for death. Castiel felt his heart tearing apart when he remembered the pain he had seen in Dean’s eyes.  
Sobs started shaking Castiel’s body uncontrollably. He had to save Dean. He wouldn’t survive if something like this would happen to the human again. But at the same time he knew that if he would do something, Dean and Castiel himself would just get punished even worse.  
It was too much. Everything was just too much.  
Castiel’s head fell back in his neck and he just screamed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave some kudos / comments so I know if you liked it!! ♥


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not posting another chapter yesterday...  
> But here you are now  
> I hope you like it

Dean’s whole body was shaking when he stood in his room, facing the wall, back towards Balthazar. He felt the angel’s finger trailing down his bare back over his spine until he reached the waistband of Dean’s boxer briefs.  
Balthazar hadn’t said a single word since several minutes and Dean didn’t know what he should think of this. He was afraid that Balthazar would just suddenly hit him or do something else to hurt him.   
Balthazar stepped closer so his chest touched Dean’s back.   
“Did you see Castiel this evening?” he asked, but before Dean could answer, Balthazar continued. “Of course you didn’t. And you wanna know why? Because he didn’t _obey_ Zachariah and got _punished_. Yes, Dean. Because you were too weak to cope with your own punishment and made Castiel heal you, the little douchebag got punished too. And you wanna know how?”  
 _No_ , Dean screamed inside his head. _No, please, no! Don’t hurt Castiel!_  
“He got hung up by his wings,” Balthazar whispered, clearly enjoying the thought. “Hung up by his wings for the whole day. And not just that. We beat him up too and put a spell on him that made it impossible for him to heal. And he _screamed_. We all could hear him, just you not, Dean. He screamed until his voice was gone. He is so _hurt_.”  
Dean felt sick, like he was about to throw up. “You sadistic asshole,” he growled.   
Balthazar grabbed his shoulders, spun him around and slammed the back of his head against the wall. Dean felt dizzy, but he didn’t feel the pain. The only thing he felt was anger.   
“Don’t. Insult. Me,” Balthazar growled. “It’s your fault this happened to Castiel. You should’ve just stayed away from him. But you didn’t. Now you see what happens if you don’t obey.”  
Tears burned in Dean’s eyes because he knew it was true. Castiel got tortured and it was all his fault. He almost didn’t feel it when Balthazar spun him around again and began to tie him up, because the pain over what happened to Castiel was much worse.   
“Stop crying!” Balthazar snarled and hit him across the face. Dean’s head flew aside and his cheek burned, but he was determined to show no reaction. Balthazar pressed Dean down on his knees and then yanked open his own jeans and pulled out his cock.   
Disgust welled up in Dean when Balthazar forced his mouth open and roughly shoved his cock inside. Dean chocked when Balthazar began to fuck his mouth, but the angel didn’t stop. Unable to do anything than just go through this, Dean tried his best not to suffocate and just hoped that it would be over fast.   
When Balthazar came, Dean had no other option than swallowing it, even though he almost puked. The angel pulled back and Dean closed his aching mouth, staring hateful at Balthazar.   
This seemed to provoke Balthazar even more and the rest of the night, it seemed like he focused on breaking Dean’s will.  
But Dean wouldn’t give in. He didn’t fight it, but just showed as small reactions as possible and whenever he had the opportunity he stared Balthazar hateful in the eyes.  
His anger and his worries about Castiel gave him strength.   
Somehow, he would get through this. And Castiel would never get hurt because of him again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave me kudos / comments, so I know if you liked it (: ♥


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow okay this one is really really short, I'm sorry.  
> I'll try to upload the next one today too, no promises though, because I have to write for my other fic too.  
> I hope you like it even though it's short  
> xoxo

_“What makes you think that you have anything to say here?”_   
_Castiel winced when Raphael stepped closer, gripping the collar tight in his hands. The collar, which was so much more than just a piece of leather._   
_“Please don’t,” Castiel begged. “I’m gonna behave. I’m gonna keep quiet. I promise.”_   
_Raphael laid his hand on Castiel’s cheek and forced him to look at him. “But where were we, if I would never punish you? You wouldn’t know how to behave.”_   
_Castiel shook his head, tears streaming over his cheeks. “Please!” he begged, his voice breaking. But Raphael laid the collar around Castiel’s neck and closed it. Castiel’s body trembled when Raphael walked behind him and attached the electrodes on Castiel’s wings and his spine._

Screaming, Castiel woke up. He was still tied up, but the hooks on his wings had disappeared. His body was covered in sweat and the flashbacks won’t disappear out of his mind.  
If Zachariah would really do what he had threatened, and torture Castiel with the same methods as Raphael had, Castiel wouldn’t survive this.  
The collar, Raphael had used, was like the most evil equipment Castiel had ever seen in his life. It was attached to a remote control, with which Raphael had energized the collar and the electrodes.  
Without any doubt, Castiel could say that this collar was the worst thing that had ever happened to him. Sometimes, Raphael had forced him to wear it for days and had just energized it on random occasions.  
Castiel’s whole body trembled when he thought back to this time and even though it made is injuries hurt worse, he couldn’t stop. The fear that Zachariah would do this to him too was just too big.

 _“Raphael please stop!” Castiel sobbed when another bolt of electricity hit his wings and drove through his whole body. “Please, please stop!”_  
Instead of an answer, Raphael turned the electricity on again, this time with even more power. Castiel’s legs gave in and he fell down on the floor. His whole body quivered and he nearly blacked out. He couldn’t even beg for release anymore. There was just pain.  
Cruel, boundless pain.

***

Castiel didn’t know how much time passed. He was constantly trapped between flashbacks and unconsciousness. But some when, Lucifer and Naomi came into the room and opened the chains on his wrists and ankles.  
They brought him upstairs in his room, neither of them saying a single word. Castiel sank down on his bed, enjoying the soft mattress under his aching body. He still wasn’t able to heal himself, but at least he didn’t get tortured even more.  
After a while, he managed to get up and take a shower. The hot water helped him to relax his sore muscles and after the shower, he felt a lot better.  
He didn’t even try to open the door from his room, because he knew exactly it was locked. Instead he laid down on the bed and finally caught some actually relaxed and recovering sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave me some kudos / comments so I know if you like it ♥


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yayayay I managed to write another chapter ♥  
> I hope you like it!!!

Dean was just about to go downstairs to prepare lunch for the angels, when suddenly someone grabbed him by his arm and pulled him in a room.  
“What the-” he began, but someone laid a hand over his mouth. When Dean saw Hael and Anna standing in front of him his eyes widened in surprise.  
“Don’t say a single word,” Hael whispered, her hand still laying on Dean’s mouth. Dean nodded and then she took her hand down.  
Anna took his hand and pulled him towards the bed. “Dean, you have to listen. I know you are only a human, but you are the only one who can save Castiel.”  
Dean’s body tensed and he was just about to say something, when he saw Hael’s warning look.  
“Balthazar is planning on doing something to Castiel. We don’t know exactly what, but it is connected to his past and after what we could figure out, it could kill him. Or worse.”  
“Worse?!” Dean asked shocked, before he could hold himself back.  
Hael hissed and looked worried to the door. “If Zachariah hears that you’re in here, we’ll get in serious trouble,” she said. “But yes, worse. If it doesn’t kill him, it will destroy his mentality this bad, that he will fall. And… believe me, Dean. You don’t want to know what they do to fallen angels.”  
Dean gulped, his heart pounding fast in his chest.  
“Dean, look. I know you’re probably traumatized after what happened with Balthazar, but you need to do this for Castiel,” Anna said softly and took Dean’s hand again. “We would help him if we could, but we know there is nothing we can do to stop them and if we try it, we would only put ourselves in danger.”  
“Just tell me what I can do,” Dean interrupted her whispering.  
“You need to go to Castiel. He will tell you.”  
“But it’s five days since the last time I saw him. I have no idea where he is.”  
Hael’s blue eyes were still focused on the door, as if she was afraid someone would come in any time. Anna pulled something out of her pocket and laid it in Dean’s hand. “Don’t even try to tell anyone you got this from us. They wouldn’t believe you anyway,” she said.  
Dean closed his fingers around it and nodded.  
“Don’t tell it Castiel either,” Hael added.  
“Okay. Thank you,” Dean whispered and then left the room and went downstairs to the kitchen. When he was sure he was alone, he looked at what Anna had given him. It was a key.  
Dean shove the key in his pocket and then started to cook lunch. The whole afternoon he waited for the right opportunity. Finally, at about four o’clock, he heard Lucifer leaving the house. Balthazar was never here during the day and Zachariah was in his office. Anna and Hael were out with Naomi and so Dean walked upstairs to Castiel’s room. He unlocked the door and then knocked before he slipped inside through a small gap.  
Nothing in his whole life could’ve ever prepared him for what he saw. Castiel sat on his bed, back towards Dean, hands buried in his hair and he was screaming.  
Dean hadn’t heard him in the hallway, so he assumed there was some kind of spell on the door and he hastily closed it again and ran over to Castiel. He kneeled down in front of him.  
“Castiel!”  
“No, no, no, no!” Castiel screamed. “Don’t do this to me, Raphael! I promise I will obey. Please don’t!”  
Dean grabbed Castiel’s hands and pulled them out of the angel’s hair. “Castiel, look at me! Please. It’s okay. Raphael isn’t here. You’re safe.”  
Well, neither had Dean an idea who Raphael was, not was Castiel really save, but he needed to calm Castiel down.  
“Please, Castiel. You are save. I’m here. You need to snap out of it. Please.” Dean laid his hands on Castiel’s cheeks and forced the angel to look at him.  
Castiel’s blue eyes widened and for a moment he didn’t move a single muscle. But then suddenly his hands tied around Dean’s shoulders and he hugged him tightly. “Dean,” he whispered. “You’re here.” His voice broke in a sob and he buried his face in the crook of Dean’s neck. “They’re gonna torture me,” he sobbed. “They’re gonna do what Raphael did. I can’t. It will kill me.”  
Dean stroke over Castiel’s back, holding him tight. “They won’t. I don’t know how, but we’ll stop them, okay? I won’t let them hurt you.”  
Dean pulls back so he can look Castiel in the eyes. “Don’t cry,” he whispers. “Please. I… I don’t know how, but I’ll… I’ll protect you, okay?”  
Castiel nodded and clenched his fingers in Dean’s forearms. “You’re here,” he mumbled.  
“Yes. I’m here.” Dean brushed his fingers through Castiel’s hair. “I won’t leave, okay? We will get out of this whole thing somehow.”  
“You… you will help me?” Castiel asked amazed.  
“Of course I will. After… after everything I’ve been through and all the times you helped me…”  
“Dean… are you really sure? They… they are dangerous. And they could kill you. I don’t want you to get killed because of me.”  
“Castiel…” Dean laid his hand on the angel’s cheek. “It doesn’t even matter. If we don’t try it, I’m gonna die. Balthazar’s gonna kill me. But if we do try it… at least we have a chance.”  
Castiel was just about to reply, when they suddenly heard a slow clap from the corner. Slowly, Dean turned his head, already fearing from what would expect them.  
With a gloating smile on his lips, Balthazar stepped out of the shadows in the corner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave me kudos/comments, so I know if you liked it ♥


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jesus Christ guys...  
> I can't even tell you how sorry I am for not updating for so long.  
> But there was just so much shit happening in my family and in my life in general recently that I had little time and inspiration to write.  
> And - as sad as it makes me - it won't really be better in the next time.
> 
> On Monday (28th of July) I'm going to a clinic, where I won't have internet access. I can go home every weekend, which means I won't be able to update more than once a week - maybe if it flows twice.  
> I'm really really sorry guys, but there is just no other possibility atm.
> 
> Anyway, I will TRY to write another chapter before I have to go there, but I can't promise anything, because there is much to organize and stuff.  
> But I'll TRY I promise.
> 
> So, I hope you like this chapter.  
> Enjoy.

“Interesting,” Balthazar said. “I would really like to hear, how you intend to do this. Getting out of this, I mean.”  
Dean saw Castiel’s whole body tensing when the angel stood up and placed himself in front of him. Balthazar slowly stepped closer until he stood right in front of Castiel. For a moment nothing happened, but then suddenly, Castiel sagged down on his knees.   
“One move,” Balthazar said threatening before Dean could even realize what was happening, “One move, and I’ll turn in on.”  
Dean looked at Castiel and he almost got a heart stroke. For the first time, Dean could see his wings. Like, _really_ see them. Usually they were more like shadows; they were there, but not really… tangible.  
But now. They were huge and… white. It was almost blinding.   
But when Dean looked closer he saw electrodes attached to them, which were connected with a collar. Dean frowned but when he looked at Balthazar and saw a remote control in the angel’s hand he got suspicious.   
“What are you doing to him?”  
“I didn’t allow you to speak.” Balthazar pressed a button on the remote control and Castiel screamed pained. Dean gulped and his eyes widened shocked. He didn’t know what he should do. He wasn’t allowed to move or talk, but how else should he make Balthazar stop?  
“Kneel,” Balthazar said. Slowly, Dean sank down on his knees, lowering his gaze and looking at the floor. But Balthazar stepped closer and laid his hand under Dean’s chin, forcing him to look up.   
“We had so much fun, Dean,” he said and tilted his head. “Too bad, that you can’t obey me. It’s a waste to kill you. Pretty face like yours…”  
Dean’s jaw clenched. He didn’t care about him getting killed. But who would care for Sammy? And who would make sure, Castiel wouldn’t get hurt anymore?  
There had to be a way to make sure they both were safe.  
Balthazar snapped his fingers – a gesture which was sure as hell unnecessary – and in the next moment he held a gun in it. Dean couldn’t see the movement – it was too fast – but suddenly Castiel stood in front of him pushing Balthazar back and growling. Dean’s head jerked back in surprise and for a moment he saw nothing but white, due to the wings right in front of his face, but then he saw that the tips of the wings slowly became gray.  
“Don’t touch him,” Castiel snarled.   
“Oh Cassie… _I_ won’t touch him. The bullet will.”  
Castiel’s growl got louder and his whole body trembled; only after a long second Dean realized that this was because he got an electric shock. – So _that_ was what the collar was for.   
“Stop it!” Dean jumped up on his feet. “If you like, you can do with me whatever you want, kill me, if it makes you happy, but stop hurting him! He didn’t do anything.”  
Balthazar lowered the hand with the remote control in it and Castiel’s body stopped trembling and he seemed to be close to another break down.  
“It’s fascinating,” Balthazar said and stepped closer to Dean. “How much you two risk for each other. It’s almost like… it was _love_.”  
Dean’s jaw clenched. This wasn’t love. No. He would never feel like that for an angel – no matter how nice said angel was.  
“Oh, you didn’t admit it to yourself. How cute.” Balthazar laid his hand on Dean’s cheek before he forced the human to turn around and look at Castiel. “Just look at each other. How much you two risk for each other. Cute little Cassie threatened me. He was so angry when I hurt you. And you… you disobey me, just because of him. Even though you know you will get hurt. And yet… you two won’t admit that it’s love.”  
Dean felt tears burning in his eyes and he shook his head. No.  
This wasn’t love. This couldn’t be love. He was just thankful that Castiel was nice to him. Thankfulness. Not love.   
Not love.  
“Don’t fight it, Dean,” Balthazar said dangerously quiet. “You know as well as me that it’s true.”  
“Why are you doing this?” Dean whispered hoarsely when he felt the tears running down over his cheeks. “Can’t you just kill me?”  
“But that wouldn’t make half as much fun.” Balthazar laughed. “I want you to admit your love for Castiel. I want you to see how much he means to you. I want you to die with the cognizance that you won’t be able to prevent anything I’ll do to him after you’re dead.”  
“Sadistic bastard,” Dean growled, which only brought him Balthazar’s fingers clenching painfully firm into his neck.   
“Stop this!” Castiel blurted out, who had just watched the conversation with widened eyes, whole body still trembling, but not from electric shocks. “Just let him! I don’t care what you do to me, but just let Dean go!”  
“Aww,” Balthazar made sarcastic. “You see his? You two are so in love. It’s pathetic.”  
Dean felt handcuffs closing around his wrists which came out of nowhere and in the next moment he got pulled down in his knees from an invisible weight.  
“There are so many things I could do to you,” Balthazar mumbled seemingly lost in thoughts.  
Dean ignored him, just looking at Castiel. The angel looked back at him, his deep blue eyes worried.   
“I’m so sorry,” Castiel mouthed.  
Dean just shook his head, even managing a small smile. Castiel risked a glance at Balthazar, before he reached his hand out and touched Dean’s cheek lightly. “I’m sorry,” he mouthed again. Before Dean could react, Castiel jumped on his feet and attacked Balthazar, with a weapon coming out of nowhere. Balthazar hadn’t expected this and so Castiel had the surprise effect on his side.  
Dean only saw the silver glint of a blade for a second and in the next moment the blade was buried in Balthazar’s stomach.  
Balthazar cried out and sank down on his knees. Blood streamed over his hands which closed around the weapon in his stomach.   
For a couple of seconds Dean just stared at the dying angel kneeling on the floor until he felt it too. His eyes wandered up to Castiel, he wasn’t able to say something.  
He just felt it.  
Pain. Incredible pain in his stomach.  
Like he had been stabbed.  
And then Dean knew it. The mark. The bond.

He was going to die.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave me kudos / comments so I know if you liked it ♥  
> (and sorry again. Ily)


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not uploading a chapter last weekend.  
> Therefore this one is a little longer.  
> I hope you like it!  
> Enjoy ♥

Castiel stood in the middle of the room, the blade still in his hand, his whole body trembling. He couldn’t believe that he had really done this. Balthazar was dead. Dean -   
Castiel’s whole bod froze.

The blade fell out of Castiel’s hand and he turned around to Dean. The human kneeled on the floor, hands pressed against his stomach, blood pouring out of the wound in his stomach.   
“Dean!” Castiel fell down on his knees in front of Dean   
“Castiel…” Dean raised his head and looked at him. “Please… Sam has to be safe, okay? Please, Castiel. I’m begging you!”  
“I won’t let you die, Dean,” Castiel said secure.   
“Please, Castiel!” Dean repeated, ignoring Castiel’s words. “Sam has to be safe! Don’t let him make contracts.”  
“I won’t,” Castiel said then, to calm Dean down. “He will be safe.”  
Dean sighed relieved. “Thank you,” he whispered. His whole body trembled and even more blood poured out of the wound.   
“Dean, you have to listen!” Castiel took Dean’s face in both of his hands and forced him to look at him. “I can’t heal you, because the injury comes from the bond. But… but I can replace the mark. Please, Dean! Please let me replace the mark. I can’t let you die!” Castiel couldn’t hold back the tears any longer. – Usually he could suppress his vessel’s reactions on feelings, but right now it was just too much.   
“You don’t have to do this, Castiel,” Dean coughed. “It’s alright, okay? I don’t want you to do this just because you feel bad about letting me die.”  
“No, Dean!” A sob escaped Castiel’s lips when he saw how pale Dean had gotten. “I _want_ to mark you. Please, Dean. I promise I will never hurt you! But please let me safe you. Please Dean!”  
“You… you really want it?”  
“You,” Castiel said. “I want _you_. I want to protect you. Please let me, Dean. Please!”  
Finally, Dean nodded. “Alright,” he agreed. “Mark me.”  
Castiel sighed relieved. He had never marked someone – let alone replaced a mark – but he approximately knew how to do it, so just focused on placing the mark. At first, nothing happened, but when he literally _felt_ Dean weakening, all the feelings Castiel had for him flamed up. Energy streamed through his hands, the marking progress finally began.  
Dean screamed in pain, but Castiel knew it was normal. Getting a mark hurt, and removing it even more. When Balthazar’s hand was gone, Dean’s body began to heal. Castiel let some of his healing powers stream into him to help the progress go faster. Dean relaxed more and more and soon the injury was healed.  
Castiel breathed heavily because replacing the mark and healing Dean had cost a lot of energy.  
“Did… did it work?” Dean asked.  
“Yes!” Castiel almost cried in relief. “It worked!”  
Dean seemed to need a moment before he really could realize. “Balthazar… is he… is he?”  
“He’s dead, Dean! You’re free!”  
“I…” Dean climbed on his feet, his hands clenching in a dark dresser to get support. He stared down at Balthazar’s corpse. “He is dead?”  
“Yes.” Castiel walked closer to Dean. “How… how do you feel?”  
“I… I don’t know.” Dean tied his arms around himself. “I don’t-” He stopped talking and turned around. “I… I feel something,” he said confused. “But it’s… it isn’t _me_.” He frowned, his hand wandered to the new mark on his upper arm. “Is that… you?”  
Castiel’s head jerked back. “You… you can feel me?”  
Dean looked completely confused. “I… you… are you… happy?”  
Castiel scoffed out a laugh. “Yes, Dean!”  
“Your wings!” Dean said. “They… they’re getting white again.”  
A broad smile appeared on Castiel’s lips when he felt the change. The torture with the collar, the fact that he had killed Balthazar – one of his brethren – and that he had replaced the mark were things which could lead to a fall, but the bond with Dean… this could change everything.   
“You can really feel me?”  
“Is this… good?”  
Suddenly Castiel felt insecure. It was in fact positive for _him_ , but what if Dean didn’t feel the same about it? What if he wouldn’t want this profound bond?  
“I…” Castiel hesitated. “I don’t know how you will think about it.”  
“Think about what?”  
Castiel opened his mouth to explain to Dean what this meant, but right in this moment, there was a crack of thunder and suddenly there were Zachariah, Lucifer and Naomi standing in the middle of the room, their wings exposed.  
“What did you do?!” Zachariah asked furious.  
Castiel positioned himself protectively in front of Dean. “I did what I had to do.”  
“You _killed_ one of your _brothers_!” Zachariah stepped closer until his arms, which he had crossed in front of his chest, almost touched Castiel. “ _How_ do you think you will ever be able to justify this?!”  
Castiel’s whole body tensed when he saw how Lucifer stepped closer to Dean.   
“Get away from him!” he growled.  
Lucifer just grinned, but then stayed where he was, his dark red wings fluttering.   
“Answer. My. Question!” Zachariah snarled.  
“He was torturing Dean!” Castiel shouted, rage suddenly flaming up in him. Dean touched lightly Castiel’s wings, which instantly calmed him down a little. But at the same time he felt Dean’s fear even more, which increased the urge to protect him.   
Zachariah’s eyes narrowed when he looked over Castiel’s shoulder at Dean and Castiel instinctively wrapped his wings around Dean. It wasn’t really comfortable, but Dean’s safety came first.   
Lucifer laughed scornfully when he saw this and Naomi hissed despising.  
“I always knew you were a douchebag, douchebag,” Lucifer said. “But I didn’t know your douchebag-level was that high. You killed one of your brothers for a human?!”  
“Stop calling him that!” Castiel screamed furiously. “Balthazar was never my brother!” He felt Dean’s hand on his wings but the touch couldn’t calm him down anymore. “And neither are you!” Castiel shouted at Zachariah, Lucifer and Naomi. “You always treated me like I was worth less than you! For years I didn’t do anything about this! But now Balthazar tortured Dean and marked him, just because he knew that I was interested! Just because-”  
Zachariah slapped him in the face and this was everything that had been missing. Castiel growled loud and attacked Zachariah. From then on, everything went incredibly fast. Castiel didn’t even realize what was happening; he was completely controlled by his instincts. But then suddenly he laid on his back on the floor and Zachariah and Lucifer held him down.  
“You’re surprisingly strong, douchebag,” Lucifer growled.  
“I wonder how much longer your little human will be able to handle this,” Naomi said then. Castiel’s head snapped towards her and he saw Dean standing there powerless with her arms around him. Only then he realized that he was using Dean’s powers in addition to his own.   
“I’m sorry, Dean,” he managed to say before Zachariah put more pressure on his chest and he couldn’t talk anymore.   
“Believe me, you’re gonna be much more sorry soon,” Naomi said then and when Castiel looked at her, he saw a knife in her hand, flashing up dangerously.  
“No!” Rage flamed up in him and he moved his body and wings furiously until he managed to free himself from Zachariah’s and Lucifer’s grip. The angel blade appeared in his hand and he hit with it after Lucifer when the blond angel tried to attack him, but he missed.  
Well, that wasn’t important anyway. He ran towards Naomi, but she pressed the knife on Dean’s throat and he stopped immediately.  
“One step closer,” she hissed. “And I’ll slice his throat!”  
Castiel didn’t move, but just stared at the knife laying against Dean’s throat.   
“Drop the blade!” Naomi insisted and Castiel saw a small drop of blood on Dean’s throat when she pressed the knife firmer against his skin. Castiel let the blade fall down and raised his hands defensing.   
“Just don’t… hurt him!” he plead. Lucifer and Zachariah came to his side and each grabbed one of his arms and pressed them behind his back. He felt a pressure against his stomach and he didn’t even have to look, to know that it was an angel blade.  
Naomi took the knife away from Dean’s neck and Castiel could see Dean swallowing dry. He could feel the human’s emotions.  
Sadness, angst, anger.  
But despite all this, Castiel could still feel Dean’s unbelievable strength. The human was ready to fight.  
But Castiel would make sure that Dean wouldn’t have to. He gathered all his strength – carefully, so he wouldn’t use Dean’s again – and all his anger towards the other angels.   
Dean looked at his wings and Castiel knew that they were beginning to get darker again. He still was dangerously close to his fall, despite the special bond to Dean.   
But this wasn’t important. He didn’t care if he would fall. The only thing that mattered, was Dean’s safety.   
“Can you tell me _one_ good reason, why I shouldn’t kill you right now?” Zachariah asked growling.  
Castiel’s jaw clenched and he didn’t say anything. Lucifer’s and Zachariah’s grip around his arms tightened and Castiel’s wings trembled. The other angels didn’t notice the change in his wings, but Castiel felt Dean’s fear getting stronger.  
“Thought so,” Zachariah mumbled and his grip around the blade tightened. Zachariah reached back with his arm, but right in the second he wanted to stab him, Castiel exploded. There was a loud crack of thunder and in the next second Castiel saw only red. There was no more rational thinking, there was only doing what his instincts told him to. He didn’t hold back anything anymore, but he didn’t want to either. There was just one thought in his head: _Save Dean._

Before the other angels could even realize what just had happened, he had already grabbed his angel blade from the floor, freed Dean from Naomi’s grip and now just pierced the blade into her chest.  
Naomi’s corpse hadn’t even touched the floor yet, when Castiel already attacked Zachariah. Lucifer tried to stab him in the back, but Castiel hit him against the chest and Lucifer flew back against the wall.  
“Here is one good reason,” he growled at Zachariah. “ _Because you can’t._ Simple as that.”  
“Castiel,” Zachariah hissed. “You wouldn’t really do-”  
Castiel didn’t even let him end his sentence but just stabbed him and right then, Lucifer pulled him away from Zachariah.  
“You monster!” Lucifer shouted. “You killed three of us in one day, for a _human_. You _fell_ for a human. Do you have an idea what the other ones are gonna do to you?!”  
Castiel didn’t answer. He didn’t care about Lucifer’s words. He just stood there and growled at him.   
Even in his current state, he knew that he mustn’t kill Lucifer. Lucifer’s fate was known by all angels. If he would die, he would go to hell and come back as the king of hell; the devil; Satan. More evil and mightier than everything that had existed so far.  
So Castiel couldn’t kill him. But this didn’t mean he would just let him go. Heavy chains appeared in Castiel’s hands and he saw how Lucifer wanted to disappear from here, when he saw them.  
Castiel laughed; it was a cold, hard sound. “You can’t just get out of here. You should know it, you worked the spell by yourself.   
Lucifer walked backwards, slow and careful; trying to get away from Castiel, towards the door. Castiel grinned and followed him, the chains still in his hands.  
He looked at Dean for a second, the distraction was just enough time for Lucifer to reach the door, but before he could open it, Castiel threw himself on the other angel and tied the chains around his body; even his wings.  
He put a spell on the chains he hadn’t even known before his fall and Lucifer wasn’t able to free himself from the chains anymore.  
Castiel literally threw the other angel against the wall, where he fell down and laid motionless on the floor.  
A quiet growl in his throat, Castiel turned around to Dean. He looked at the human, just staring at him for a long while.  
In Castiel’s head was only one thought:

_Mine_.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are absolutely no words that could explain or defend my long absence except that I'm terrible and I'm really sorry.   
> (Don't hate me for it but I'm going to admit that it has boosted my ego that people haven't forgotten about this fic) However the fact that people kept asking me to finish it also made me feel terribly sorry and I swear I made multiple attempts to write an end for this story over the past year but it never worked.   
> Finally I have bitten myself in the ass and wrote three more chapters and found an end to the story. I apologize if it isn't how you imagined this story ending, but it is the first of the many scenarios I've thought about that felt good and right enough so I could actually write more than a few hundred words.   
> Anyway, sorry again and thank you for reading this despite me being a horrible person and abandoning this fic for so long.

“ _Mine_.”

Dean was sure that Castiel wouldn't want to hurt him. Nevertheless, he instinctively stepped back at the possessiveness in Castiel’s voice. It brought back memories he didn't want to live through again.

But when he did this, Castiel growled and followed right after him, until he stood right in front of Dean, only millimeters between their bodies. A quiet growl vibrated in Castiel’s chest and he raised his hand, placing it where Balthazar’s old mark had been and now Castiel’s was.

“You’re mine,” Castiel repeated.

 _It’s Castiel_ , Dean tried to tell himself, but it didn't help. It wasn’t Castiel, not really. Not with those threatening black wings and the sick, possessive glare in his eyes and the voice that never seemed to fully separate itself from a growl.

Dean felt silent tears rolling down over his cheeks. He was terrified of whatever it was Castiel had become.

Castiel’s hand moved and he stroke with his thumb over Dean’s cheeks and looked down at the wetness, tilting his head, apparently not able anymore to understand human emotions.

Castiel looked at Dean, his eyes narrowed, but then suddenly they heard Lucifer struggling, obviously trying to free himself and Castiel spun around with a loud snarl and Dean believed to see his eyes change from blue to red. He walked over to Lucifer and looked down at him, still growling quietly.

“You. Stay,” he said then, looking over his shoulder back at Dean. “I dispose.”

Dispose? Dean frowned confused about Castiel’s word choice as well as his apparent inability to form full sentences, but then just nodded because he didn't dare to say anything.

Castiel threw Lucifer over his shoulder and stepped over the threshold before he disappeared.

For a few seconds Dean just stared at the spot where Castiel had vanished, still completely petrified. But then the realization hit him that this would probably be the only possibility he had to get away from this strange and terrifying creature Castiel had become. His legs came back to life and he started to run, leaving the house behind without any idea where to go. It didn’t matter. As long as he got away from everything that had happened there.

He tried to shut his mind from all the memories streaming through him, but he couldn't. He lived through leaving Sammy and being tortured and used by Balthazar over and over again. He picked up in pace.

He could see Sam’s terrified look that day Balthazar had taken him on a leash to a mall.

His lungs screamed for air.

He could see Castiel being tortured and electrocuted on his wings for protecting him. He could see Castiel killing his own brethren to protect Dean. And he could see Castiel’s wings turning black, every feather darkening and, piece for piece, taking away everything that represented him.

Dean’s legs gave in. He crashed down on his knees and fell forward, managing to hold himself up with his arms in the last moment. His empty stomach cramped, he retched and gagged but there was nothing in it he could vomit out.

His whole body was shaking and he just wanted to scream and cry and punch and rip his own heart out to get rid of all this pain. It was a lot more demanding than it should be for him to get back up on his legs and he blindly stumbled forward, barely able to hold himself upright.

He didn't know how far he’d come – probably not very far though – when he suddenly heard the painful familiar sound of the flutter of wings behind him.

“No.” Castiel’s growl-voice wasn’t loud or particularly threatening, but the sound of it shot through Dean’s body like a bolt of lightning and he stumbled to a halt immediately. He didn’t turn around. He just stood there in the middle of the road, his whole body shaking and his arms wrapped around himself.

Castiel walked closer, slowly circling around him until he stood right in front of him and they looked each other in the eyes.

“Why… you leave?” he asked quietly and reached forward again to touch the mark. “Mine.”

Dean winced at the touch but he was too afraid to pull back.

“I can’t be with you when you’re like this. You’re… you’re like him.” His voice broke and he swallowed empty.

Castiel’s frown deepened. “Mine,” he replied. “Not his.”

“I don’t want to be _anyone’s_ ,” Dean flared up, just to shrink back the second the words were out and he saw Castiel’s face tensing at the volume Dean had spoken in.

“You said…” Castiel paused, apparently searching for words, “you want.”

“I know what I said,” Dean tried to explain, although he doubted Castiel was understanding what he was trying to say, “but that was before… _this_ happened. You’re not… you’re not you anymore. And you scare me.”

“I… am not me?”

“No.” Dean shook his head. “Not really.”

Castiel seemed to be thinking about Dean’s words for a while. When he once more reached out and touched the mark, Dean could’ve cried with frustration. “Mine,” Castiel repeated again.   
Dean was close to just swatting Castiel’s hand away, but then Castiel softly took Dean’s hand and pulled it against his chest, placing it right above his heart. “Yours.”  
Dean blinked confused. He didn’t know what to say or how to react. However, this seemed to be wrong too. Castiel frowned again and looked down at Dean’s hand, pressing it firmer against his chest.   
“Yours,” he repeated.   
Dean involuntarily leaned back a little. This whole situation made him feel uneasy and he didn’t know what Castiel wanted from him. Castiel noticed Dean’s retraction and held on tighter to Dean’s hand on his chest. But instead of seeing anger on his face, as Dean would’ve expected, he saw Castiel looking desperate, almost hurt.   
“Yours,” he said again.   
“I… I don’t know what you want from me.” Dean really wanted to escape this situation. He couldn’t trust this new version of Castiel. He didn’t know if there was enough of … _his_ Castiel left in there.  
“Please let me go.” His voice was a barely audible whisper, but Castiel heard it and let go of Dean’s hand. Dean pulled it back and wrapped his arms around himself again.   
“You are afraid,” Castiel said slowly. It wasn’t a question. Dean just nodded. “I feel.”  
Dean frowned, at first not understanding what Castiel wanted to tell him with this. But then he realized it. In the whole chaos his own feelings were, he hadn’t realized it.   
He couldn’t feel what Castiel was feeling anymore. Was this because of the fall?  
“You feel?”   
Dean shook his head slowly. Castiel’s hand slid down from his face and he lowered his head.   
“You don’t want me.”  
Dean didn’t know what to answer to this. There was so much pain in Castiel’s voice, the growl was almost inaudible and it sounded too much like him before the fall.   
“I’m sorry,” he just said eventually.   
“You… want to go…” Castiel stopped for a moment. He then murmured a word under his breath that Dean didn’t understand. But the sound of the language was familiar to him and in this moment he realized why Castiel was having such difficulties with talking. The fall seemed to have let Enochian take over again, the language angels used to speak before they came to earth and still sometimes used to communicate with each other, and seemed to have diminished his ability to speak English.   
“Home,” Castiel finished when he remembered the word and then looked at Dean. “You want to go home,” he repeated slowly.   
Dean hesitated with answering. He didn’t know what place Castiel meant when he said home.   
“I… I want to go back to my brother,” he said then.   
“Then you are happy?”  
Dean nodded.   
Castiel lowered his head in some kind of half-nod as well. “I take you to brother.” He held out his hand towards Dean and Dean knew he wanted him to take it so he could zap them there. For a split second Dean hesitated; he still wasn’t sure how much he could trust this new version of Castiel, but then he took Castiel’s hand.   
Dean couldn’t feel them moving when Castiel zapped them. But in the blink of an eye, the road around them had disappeared and they stood in a living room. Dean had never been here before and turned around to Castiel confused.   
“Where are we?” he asked frowning.   
Castiel nodded towards the open door. “Brother,” he just said.   
Dean unsurely walked towards the door which led to a small hallway. There were five more doors leading away from it, one of which Dean recognized as the front door.   
And then, just as he stepped over the threshold of the living room door, the door opposite of him opened and Sam stepped out of it, looking back over his shoulder and saying something to a person in the room.   
Dean’s whole body froze when he saw his brother and his breath hitched in his throat. Sam turned his head forward again and when he saw Dean, he stopped in the middle of the movement and just stared at him with widened eyes.   
“Dean!” he breathed out in disbelief and sprang forward, flinging his arms around Dean’s neck. “You’re here! What –” he pulled back so he could look at Dean for a moment and then hugged him again, “what are you doing here? How did you – how did you get out? And…” he pulled back again and a concerned frown appeared behind his brows, “what is this on your face? Is this a mark?” His eyes widened again and now he sounded shocked. “Dean did you get marked? How could they do this to you? They need permission to mark someone and surely you wouldn’t –”  
“Sam,” Dean interrupted him. “Please. I- I need…” But Dean couldn’t tell what he needed. Before he got the words out of his mouth, a sob he hadn’t known he’d been holding back broke through and he started crying. Sam pulled Dean in another tight embrace and Dean let himself fall and cry, for the first time in a long time feeling completely safe.


	18. Chapter 18

Sam led Dean to the kitchen where they sat down and gave him all the time he needed to calm down again. In between sobs and silently holding Sam in his arms, just enjoying to be reunited with him again, Dean managed to tell him everything that had happened. Although he saw how shocked Sam was and didn’t like it, he didn’t leave out anything, because he _needed_ to talk about it, _needed_ to get this off his chest.   
On top of it all, hearing what had happened to Dean made Sam cry too and now Dean felt horrible about himself for telling him.   
“I’m so sorry, Sammy,” he hiccupped, stroking over Sam’s back. “I shouldn’t have told you.”  
Sam shook his head. “Yes, you do.” He pulled back and wiped the tears off his face. “I’m glad you told me the truth.” He exhaled shakily. “I… I can’t believe you had to go through this, Dean. You shouldn’t have done this.”  
“I had to, Sam. I couldn’t let them take you.”  
Sam sighed, but he knew Dean well enough to not discuss this any further. “So, this Castiel,” he said then instead and glanced to the living room door. “You think he’s still here?”  
“Oh.” Dean hadn’t even thought about his anymore. “I… I don’t know.” He got up from the chair and slowly walked over to the living room, Sam following right behind him.   
Castiel was still standing exactly where Dean had left him, but when he saw Sam, he stepped back. Sam looked over at Dean, as if he was expecting him to do something, but Dean didn’t know what. He couldn’t send Castiel away, could he? After all, Castiel had nowhere left to go. And from what he’d heard, fallen angels weren’t exactly welcome by the other angels.   
“Castiel?” he asked insecurely and Castiel’s eyes met his immediately. “What are you… I mean where are you –” He broke off and exhaled deeply. “What are you doing to do now?” he asked then.   
“I do not know.”  
“Do you have anywhere to go?”  
Castiel shook his head.   
Dean turned around and looked at Sam. “Can he stay here?”   
“What?” Sam frowned taken aback. “I thought you didn’t trust him?”

“Well, I…” Dean struggled with the words. “I don’t. I mean… not really. But… I can’t just send him off. He still saved my life. And he… he fell for me.” This fact hadn’t even really occurred to Dean until he spoke it out loud. “It’s my fault he fell. He did it to save my life.”  
“I guess you’ll have to ask Bobby,” Sam said then. “But I can tell you, he won’t be fond of the idea. We just moved into here and the people to which the apartment complex belongs don’t really like angels and after what they did to you, I can’t imagine him wanting one of them here.”  
“But Castiel isn’t like this,” Dean defended him, forgetting for a moment that who he had here, wasn’t really Castiel anymore.   
Sam just shrugged and repeated that Dean would have to ask Bobby.

 

Which he did. When Bobby came home this evening, he was at least as relieved to see Dean alive and on top of that more or less uninjured again. Dean explained to him what had happened and the situation with Castiel and asked him too, if Castiel could stay.   
“I don’t know, boy.” Bobby frowned. “I’ve heard a lot about fallen angels. They’re dangerous. Evil. You should get away from him.”  
Dean gritted his teeth. He was aware that this was exactly what he’d wanted all along. – Or maybe he should rather say what he’d _thought_ he wanted all along. Because now when Sam and Bobby told him to get away from Castiel, he suddenly got very defensive about him and didn’t want to be separated from him anymore.   
Bobby noticed that Dean was rather reluctant of the idea. “You said yourself that he isn’t who he was before anymore,” he argued.   
Dean sighed. He knew Bobby was right, had all the arguments on his side, but it just felt wrong.   
“I don’t want anything to happen to you again,” Bobby said gently. “I know this angel has helped you through a horrible time, but he’s not the same anymore. You don’t know what he’s like now. I just want you and Sam to be safe.”  
Dean nodded. “I know, Bobby. But I…” He shook his head. “It feels so wrong. Just… let me try it, okay? Maybe the old Castiel’s still somewhere inside of him.”  
Bobby went silent for a few moments and just looked at Dean. “You liked this angel a lot, didn’t you?” he asked then calmly.   
Dean’s jaw tensed and he looked away defiantly. “I’m just thankful for what he did to me.”  
Bobby nodded, but Dean knew he only did this to avoid an argument.   
“I didn’t feel anything for him except gratitude,” he said firmly.   
Bobby raised his hands defensively. “Alright. Good.” Then he looked over, out of the open kitchen door, glancing towards the living room, knowing that Castiel was still in there. “Try it,” he said then. “We’ll let him stay for now and you’ll see if he’s still in there. If he shows any signs of evil…” Bobby didn’t end his sentence, but Dean knew what he meant.   
“Thank you, Bobby.”

 

There was a guest room adjacent to the living room in which Dean and Castiel could stay. He wasn’t sure if he felt really comfortable sharing a room with Castiel, but he knew that he felt more comfortable with this option than with leaving Castiel alone.   
Because he didn’t need a bond that allowed him to feel what Castiel felt to see how completely dependent Castiel was of Dean right now. It was hard for Dean to tell what was going on inside Castiel, because he barely talked or explained anything, but he somehow felt that Castiel didn’t mean any harm – no matter what people said about fallen angels.   
The only thing that still made Dean uncomfortable was Castiel’s possessiveness. His growl when Sam had hugged Dean to say goodnight had been barely audible but there nevertheless. Dean had tried to ask him about him, but whether it was because Castiel hadn’t understood what he’d meant or just hadn’t found the right words, in any case, he hadn’t answered.   
He had occupied the camp bed Bobby had put up without listening to Dean’s half-hearted suggestions of Castiel taking the real bad and had lied there silently since, apparently pleased with having Dean close to himself without anyone else being around.   
Although Dean was exhausted, he lay awake for a long time this night. So much had happened today. He couldn’t believe that he was free from Balthazar and that Balthazar and the other angels were dead and would never hurt him again. And then there was Castiel…   
Dean stroked over his left cheek, feeling the new mark Castiel had left there. He knew he would be marked for the rest of his life, but given the options, he was glad it was Castiel whose mark he was carrying. Or at least he was fairly sure he was glad.   
There, of course, still was the chance that everything Bobby had heard about fallen angels was true and Castiel would wake up tomorrow completely evil.   
But somehow, Dean couldn’t believe this. Not when he thought back about how Castiel had looked at him after they’d settled for the night, short before he’d turned off the lights, with a look of content, almost happiness on his face and had stated, “You are happy.” And when Dean had nodded, Castiel had smiled. Not with his mouth, but his eyes had shone in a way that could only mean happiness.

 

Dean slept a lot the next couple of days and tried to recover as good as possible from the traumatic things that had happened to him while also trying not to be completely useless and taking over all the household chores since he didn’t have a job anymore.   
At the same time, he was working on teaching Castiel English again. He learned very fast and it was clear that he hadn’t forgotten the language, but that it was much more buried under whatever had happened in his brain during the fall.

Two weeks after their escape from the mansion, the other angels contacted them about what Castiel had done. They had found out about it a while ago, but for some reason nothing had happened.   
When they showed up at Bobby’s front door though, Dean feared that this was it. His life was over.   
But they didn’t care about him. They didn’t even care about Zachariah or Balthazar or Naomi, Anna or Hael. The only thing they wanted to know was where Lucifer was.

Castiel refused to tell them and from then on, Dean could only guess what they were talking about because they changed to Enochian. The only thing he knew was that Castiel refused to give them the information they wanted to. The discussion between the angels went on for a long time and got more and more aggressive until Dean feared they’d start to fight any moment. But then Castiel said something that seemed to satisfy them and they left.   
“That was it?” Dean asked stunned, staring after the angels. “Aren’t they gonna punish you… or us… for killing the other angels?”  
Castiel shook his head. “Killing angels… is not illegal. It is…” He paused for a moment. “How do you say… it is… it is not accepted. But it is not illegal. Only killing humans that are not your own is.”  
“Oh.” Dean nodded slowly, trying to comprehend this. They could just kill each other without any consequences? As much as humans had fucked up as long as they’d been on top, at least they’d outlawed murder. “And what did they want to know about Lucifer? What did you do to him?”  
“I could not kill Lucifer. His… destiny is evil. If he… if he dies he will bring evil upon us all. I brought him to a place where he is safe. Where nothing will hurt him and where he can hurt nothing.”  
“Isn’t he gonna… like, starve to death or something?”  
Castiel shook his head. “Angels do not need nurturing.”   
“Then why did I need to cook for you?” Dean asked more frustrated about this than probably appropriate.   
Castiel’s eyes smile-twinkled again and he tilted his head. “We do enjoy food.”  
Dean snorted but it came out more amused than anything else.   
The look in Castiel’s eyes softened. “Feeling your content… it is very nice. Seeing you smiling… I cannot see your soul anymore, but I do not need to, to know that it is pure again. Balthazar’s torture… darkened it, but I know your soul has recovered. You are a pure and righteous human.” Castiel slowly and carefully reached out to touch Dean’s mark and Dean knew he could pull back if he wanted to. But he didn’t. He let Castiel touch the mark, who closed his eyes contently. “Dean,” he said then. “I know you do not like much to talk about the bond we share, but… it is your pureness that keeps me from being evil. It is the connection with you. In the eyes of the bond – you are mine. I know you do not like to hear this, which is why I refrain from saying it, although it is the thing that makes me the most happy. And you also did not react positively to it when I talked about it the last time, but I would like to ask you for something again.” He looked at Dean as if asking for permission to continue talking. When Dean nodded, he inhaled deeply. “I would really like for you to make me yours too. There are no obligations to it, but it would complete the bond.”  
“Make you… mine?” Dean repeated confused. “What do you mean?” But in the same moment he asked the question, he remembered the scene on the road, after he’d run away from Castiel. When Castiel had pressed Dean’s hand against his chest. _Yours_ , he’d said. So that was what he’d meant. “I can’t… I can’t mark you, can I? I’m not an angel.”  
“You can, Dean. You can reciprocate the bond and complete the connection. If you want to.”  
“I don’t know,” Dean said hesitant. “I need to think about this, okay?”  
Castiel nodded, although Dean thought he did look disappointed. But then again, it was hard to guess what Castiel was feeling, because he rarely ever showed any facial expressions so all Dean could do was to try and read his emotions from his eyes.

 

Dean talked to Sam about what Castiel had said, when he was sitting in his room later that night. Castiel hadn’t reacted very enthusiastically about Dean leaving him alone to spend time with Sam, but already in this short time he’d learned to not overreact about things like this. It had only been two weeks, but he was able to speak more or less fluently English again, the growl in his voice was mostly almost inaudible and although he was still very dependent on Dean, he dealt better with Dean leaving him alone for a while now. And if Dean was completely honest with himself, he had to admit that he didn’t mind Castiel’s dependence. He had realized that Castiel wasn’t even that different than before – he wondered if it was true that only the bond to Dean kept him that way – but he had just needed some time, and would still need some more, to bring this personality back to the surface.   
Dean still didn’t know what exactly had happened inside of Castiel when he’d fallen, but especially emotionally, it seemed to have been something huge. It hurt Dean seeing Castiel struggling with dealing with his emotions. Jealousy was especially hard for him; Dean being example A.

“Dean?” Sam tore him out of his thoughts. “Don’t ask me for advice if you don’t listen to me giving it anyway,” he said then, but he sounded amused.   
“’M sorry.” Dean looked at him. “What did you say?”  
“I said, I think you should give it a thought. Don’t do it right now, but think about it. Maybe ask him for some more details about what happens if you do this. I know you care about him and you like him and maybe this could help Castiel to get back to his past self and both of you to get over what happened.”  
Dean nodded, agreeing with what Sam had said. It was definitely worth a thought.


	19. Chapter 19

“Please, Dean.”  
Dean’s jaw clenched. It tore his heart apart to hear Castiel this hurt, but he also knew that Castiel was overreacting.   
“Castiel,” he said softly. “It’s okay.”  
Castiel shook his head, his hands clenching to fists. “I… I cannot…”  
“I will be back in thirty minutes. I promise.”   
All he wanted was to go for a quick grocery run. But it was a challenge every time he had to leave the house. He couldn’t take Castiel with himself because although he was actually very peaceful – and very _not_ evil – he was constantly snarling at everyone who looked at Dean. And thanks to the mark on Dean’s face, it always were a lot of people.   
So taking Castiel out in public was stressful for everyone. For Castiel because he went nearly mad because of his jealousy, for Dean because it was a lot of effort to keep Castiel calm enough so he wouldn’t physically attack any gazers and for everyone around them because having an angel in general snarling at them was rather scary for pretty much all humans and if it was a fallen angel, also for most angels.   
Castiel’s jaw clenched and Dean could see how much Castiel was struggling with himself. “Please stay.” In Castiel’s voice were so many emotions, which still was rare, although he had gotten better at expressing feelings again.   
“I’m sorry, Castiel.” Dean sighed. “But I really have to go. It won’t take long though, I promise.”  
Castiel nodded sadly, but he stepped forward and touched Dean’s mark. It didn’t bother Dean anymore when Castiel did this, because he knew it comforted him. And to be honest, it had grown to a comfort for him too.

He left the apartment, hurrying to the grocery store, which wasn’t far for him, so he would be back as soon as possible. Other than usual, he barely noticed the people staring at his mark, because he was too deep in thoughts.   
Lately, he’d been thinking a lot about what Castiel had asked him for a few weeks ago. He had taken a lot of time to think about it and he knew Castiel wanted an answer. He hadn’t been able to decide for very long, and when he had, he hadn’t been sure if it was the right decision and so had waited. But he longer he waited, the surer he was that this was what he truly wanted.   
He had accepted the fact that there wouldn’t be a magical moment where someone would snap their fingers and the old Castiel would come back. But he had learned that the new Castiel really wasn’t that bad. So much of him was similar to how it had been before and the new things weren’t bad either.   
And he felt like completing the bond could help Castiel deal with his feelings, especially the jealousy. And he _did_ want to help Castiel.   
It got more and more difficult for Dean to title his feelings towards the angel as gratitude only. He was very fond of him and the more time they spent together, the more intense those feelings grew. It kind of scared Dean though, because he didn’t know if Castiel’s jealousy was based on pure possessiveness or of it (and maybe the possessiveness as well, it had occurred to Dean) were a pale imitation of what Castiel might have felt for Dean before his fall. Maybe Balthazar had been right all along. As much as Dean hated to think this. It might not have been love back then – it might not even be love now – but there definitely had been something and there definitely still was.

Dean finished the errands as fast as possible and returned to the apartment.   
“I’ve made a decision,” he burst out before Castiel could even word his relief about Dean being back. “But I need to ask you something first.”  
Castiel stood up and walked over to him, nodding firmly.   
“Before your fall…”  
Castiel winced slightly, he didn’t like Dean talking about this. And as sorry as Dean felt, this was important.   
“What did you feel for me?”

Castiel took his time with the answer, carefully choosing his words. “I would not call it love, like Balthazar did,” he said then. “But I cared for you. I worried about you. I wanted to protect you. You were important to me. I… I liked you.” He looked into Dean’s eyes, slightly worried, as if he was afraid this was the wrong answer.   
“And now,” Dean asked, “do you feel something for me?”   
When Castiel didn’t answer right away, Dean’s heart sunk lower. He wasn’t sure if he could actually stand it if the answer was no. Not after he’d just admitted his feelings for Castiel.   
Castiel’s facial expression softened. “I may not be the way you got to know me anymore. I know I am not the same as I was before the fall and I am sorry about this, because I know you want this Castiel back. But my feelings for you haven’t changed through the fall. If anything, they intensified.”  
Dean felt a smile tugging at his mouth angles. “Really?”

Castiel nodded.   
Dean stepped closer to him and grabbed the collar of the white shirt Castiel was wearing and undid the first couple of buttons. He placed his hand on the spot right above Castiel’s heart, instinctively knowing what to do.   
Castiel might not be exactly as he’d used to. He might always have difficulties dealing with his emotions and responding appropriately to them. But it didn’t matter. Essentially, in all the important points, he was still himself, still the angel who saved Dean.   
Also Dean knew he wasn’t how he’d been before this all had happened to him either. He knew he’d not be able to be physically close to Castiel. He would maybe never be able to look at the mark in his face without thinking of Balthazar instead of Castiel.   
They were both damaged and broken and there might always be little pieces of them missing, keeping them from ever becoming fully repaired, but they had broken together and they would fix themselves as good as somehow possible together.   
Dean felt warmth streaming through his arm, over his palm into Castiel’s chest.   
“Castiel,” he said softly, looking up into the angels blue eyes. “I want you to be mine.”


End file.
